new book!!!! *note pg 13 there is violence

i relized that i really dont like writing long books so i will probably never finish the ones i post on this site i just want people to read them sorry if it disappoints ya'll and i changed the name of places to not offend religious people. just tell me what ya think :P.note its also really long so dont read it if you dont want to

Prolog

There is a war between Kastar and Dasder. Dasder is a place of paradise. Kastar is a place of eternal pain and suffering. The war is over the humans. Kastar wants to take all of them and make them among their ranks, but Dasder does not want this to happen. When the first drop of blood hit the ground Dasder attacked Kastar. That’s when I came in. I was falsely condemned to Kastar. I had been here for 7326 years. Everyday my anger grew. I had become one of them but my good sprit stayed now I half my body is good and the other is evil. I have been in a cell for 6283 years because of the. The cell was small and I could barely move. My name I sake and I wish to not fight for either side but to destroy both. I have solid black hair, hazel eyes, my body is split right down the center, the right side is Kastarson, and the left is Dasderan. My body is starting to morph more I can feel pressure on my back and my right arm and small bumps in two straight lines to my elbow.
Chapter one

I looked around seeing the bars right in front of me I tried to move my arm but it was pinned to the wall I saw a small goblin walking around with keys in his hand. There was fire, and lava raging everywhere. The bars of the cell were less than 2 inches in front of me.
“Let me out,” I yelled at the goblin.
He looked at me and laughed “You say the same thing everyday you’re not getting out,”
“We’ll see about that,” he walked off.
There was less security because of the war, so we only had on guard watching all of us. I shifted to one side and managed to move my arm enough to grab the bars with one of my finger. The bar was searing hot and burning into my finger. I pulled with all my force and got all my hand on the bar. With all my force I ripped off the bar. Dropping it I reached and grasped the handle and tore it off as well. Footsteps were coming from the end of the hall way; I had made to much noise. The goblin came around, and jabbed at me with his sword. I grabbed his arm and broke it, pulled him closer, and grabbed the keys from his other hand. The keys started to freeze my hand; I saw ice growing up my hand.
“He he. You didn’t think that trough did you,” The goblin said with a smile “That key freezes anything it touches. Well besides goblins,”.
“Better for me,” the goblin eyes grew wide and he stopped laughing. I hit the keys on the bars freezing them instantly, and smashed the keys at the same time. Touching the bars made them crumble away like nothing.
The goblin started to back up while I was walking toward him. He turned around, and took off. I looked at the sword picked it, and threw it at him. The blade went straight tough his stomach. When I got over there he was coughing up blood.
“You will *coughs up blood* pay for this,” he said with fear in his eyes
I crouched putting my arms on my knees right next to him. “Not before you,”
I grasped the blade and slowly turned it until he died, and then pulled it out of his body. Looking around I saw the guards doing their normal thing. Making sure no one was breaking out. While I was walking passed to cells they were all staring at me. In the distance I saw a door. I started running for it. A goblin saw me and jumped down in front of me. Instinctively I swung the sword the deflected it, and cut my leg a bit.
“You don’t even know how to fight with a sword you’re going to be easy,”
He stabbed my right arm, and backed up in horror. My right arm had no blood coming out of it. The bumps on my arm starting growing I fell to the ground in pain. Spikes erupted from each of the bumps. My whole arm got over grown with carbon and made a perfect piece of armor. It mended with my body but nothing could penetrate it. Claws sprouted from each one of my finger tips. I hit my arm on the ground the claws cut though it as if it was nothing. I pushed myself up to see the goblin walking slowly backswords away from me.
Raged filled my body I flew over to him, and punched him in the gut my arm went through him like a knife through butter. I pulled my arm out. His guts spilled to the floor, and he collapsed onto his side.
“What the,” a voice behind me said. I turned around and saw a demon looking at me; he was young maybe 500 years old. He wore black armor all over him, held a claymore in his right hand, and a metal shield in his left.
“You should run,” I told him. He got into fighting position ready to die.
“If you want to die you can, but this is your last chance leave now,”
“My code prevents me. I die here or live has a decrease,” he said with a bit of sadness.
“Has you wish,” I ran at him. He swung his sword at me; which I deflected with my arm. Within a blink of an eye I sliced his helm off. His shield hit my stomach; causing me to stumble back. He started to batter me with his sword. I kept getting pushed closer to the edge. I tripped, and fell on my back. He got ready to hit me with all him might. Before the blade hit me I rolled to the side. The blade was stuck in to the ground. I punched him with my left hand in the face. He stumbled back. I grasped the sword with my left hand, and pulled at it. Something hit my back and the handle was shoved into my stomach. My hair was grabbed and I was thrown to the ground. He got onto my back and started hitting my face into the ground. A blinding white light shot out from my left hand. When my vision restored the clay more had became golden long sword and was glowing white. The demon was still on the ground holding his eyes from the pain. Is armor and been dissolved. I limped over to the long sword and pulled it out. My face had been healed and my stomach wasn’t hurting. The demon was getting up. He looked at my sword.
“What have you done?! That sword was made from the blood and bones of one hundred humans. How could it have become that?”
“I don’t know, but it marks your end,” he got up and ran at me with his shield in front of him I swung the sword a white wave flew out of it and slice the shield in half. The demon backed up getting ready to charge again. I swung it again the white wave cut off his right arm. He fell to his knees.
“You should have not fought me,” I said pulling my sword up to his neck.
“I would rather die this way then be a decrease,” I cut off his head with my sword.
I start to run towards the door. When I got to it I cracked it open and looked in there were about 10 goblins on the break.
“It escaped!” one of them yelled. 5 of them drew swords 4 grabbed some crossbows and one of them ran off.
I ran into the door and sliced off one of their heads with my right hand. All of the cross bows fired at once I put my arm in front of my head deflecting 3 of the arrows while one went into my stomach. Some of the goblins ran up to me and started stabbing me all over my body. Blood started flowing everywhere the goblins backed up watching my every move. I stumbles towards them and stabbed at them. They dogged it as if it was nothing. I fell to the ground, my nose broke on impact. I started trying to get up again a goblin stomped on my back I fell to the ground my right hand went in to my thigh. I felt warmth on my back and the pain started going away. The glow on my sword started fading. Everything went black.
I woke up surprised to still be alive. I was being dragged by something, but I couldn’t look up. I looked down at my stomach the arrow was gone and my wounds were too. My arms and legs were chained together and couldn’t move them. I was hoisted up on to my feet. There I saw the leader of Kastar

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  • 3

    Would you be willing to accept a bit of constructive criticism, castle?

    He wouldn't be a very good writer if he wasn't.
    - Disco November 2, 2011, 7:10 am
    sure why not as long as it doesn't involve the things that are like there and their. or my spelling
    - castlewarsisawsome November 2, 2011, 7:35 am
    Here are my notes on the prologue that I did in fifteen minutes.
    All of my changes or suggestions are in bold.

    Prolog

    There is a war between Kastar and Dasder.
    Dasder is a place of paradise.
    Kastar is a region overflowing with tides of regret and ceaseless suffering.
    Their pitiful war is over the last vestiges of the human race left in this forsaken world.
    It is the will of the Kastar to relentlessly pursue the humans until they are all brought under their reign. Dasder does not want this to happen. (This next sentence does not make sense without explaining who’s blood was spilt) When the first drop of blood hit the ground Dasder attacked Kastar. That’s when I came in. (“Falsely Condemned”- explain what this means, was the character betrayed by a certain group, or a certain person? As it is now, this does not make sense in context) I was falsely condemned to Kastar. I had been here for (The number of years seems over the top, as if randomly decided upon in the spur of the moment) 7326 years. Everyday my anger grew. I had become one of them but my good spirit stayed, now half my body is good and the other is evil (Just a suggestion, stories are far more interesting when you can empathize with both sides of the conflict. Outright declaring that one side is ”good” or “bad” leaves little room for the reader’s imagination to fill in the blanks, and it seems tacky). I have been in a cell for (Again with the numbers) 6283 years because of the (Because of the what?). The cell was small and I could barely move. My name I sake (I honestly have no idea what "my name I sake" is supposed to mean) and I wish not to fight for either side, my only desire is the destruction of them both. I have solid black hair, hazel eyes, my body is split right down the center, the right side is Kastarson, and the left is Dasderan. My body is starting to morph more, (Why is it morphing?) I can feel pressure on my back and my right arm and small bumps in two straight lines to my elbow.
    - drakengard85 November 2, 2011, 6:21 pm
    damn...
    - castlewarsisawsome November 2, 2011, 6:55 pm
    ill edit what you points out and i did make the numbers off the top of my head
    - castlewarsisawsome November 2, 2011, 7:14 pm
    k how about this and can you read the rest and give me tips on it please because this sounds a lot better now and when i randomly stopped talking about something my mind wander.
    There is a war between Kastar and Dasder. Dasder is a place of paradise. Kastar is a region overflowing with tides of regret and ceaseless suffering. Their pitiful war is over the last vestiges of the human race left in this forsaken world. It is the will of the Kastar to relentlessly pursue the humans until they are all brought under their reign, but Dasder does not want this to happen. When the first drop of human blood hit the ground Dasder attacked Kastar. That’s when I came in. I was falsely condemned to Kastar. They usely had a jury system before someone got sent to Kastar, but this step was skipped and I was sent strait here by the leader of Dasder Leaser. I had been here for so long I can’t remember. Everyday my anger grew. I had become one of them but my good sprit stayed now I half my body is good and the other is evil, because my good side showed they locked me in a cell. I have been in a cell for about 500 years. The cell was small and I could barely move. My name is sake and I wish to not fight for either side, my only desire is the destruction of them both. I have solid black hair, hazel eyes, my body is split right down the center, the right side is Kastarson, and the left is Dasderan. Since im half good and half evil my body is starting to morph more. I can feel pressure on my back and my right arm and small bumps in two straight lines to my elbow.
    - castlewarsisawsome November 2, 2011, 7:37 pm
    I'll get back to you with some more notes sometime in the next few days, I'm really busy with balancing my college work and sleeping.
    - drakengard85 November 3, 2011, 10:14 pm
    k thanks
    - castlewarsisawsome November 3, 2011, 11:18 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    tl;dr. but it looked like you put some effort into this so ill +3 it anyways. and if any1 would love to summarize it for me i could then congradulate you on the good work =) but college restricts my time

    at first i thought you read it extreamly fast
    - castlewarsisawsome November 1, 2011, 11:58 pm
    if only, but i am engineer. i dont know what reading and words are
    - bufus101 November 1, 2011, 11:59 pm
    (dont ask how i can understand whats going on here and comment on stuff)
    - bufus101 November 2, 2011, 12:00 am
    yeah thats most people they can only read and write on a computer
    - castlewarsisawsome November 2, 2011, 12:01 am
    yeah basically lol.
    - bufus101 November 2, 2011, 10:17 am
    Reply
  • 1

    Not the kind of stuff I would normally read, but i liked it. You should have someone go over it and proofread it though. other than a few misspelled words and some slight grammatical errors, it was a good read!!! +3

    • adduco
    • November 2, 2011, 9:34 am
    thanks and i will put less constant action in it
    - castlewarsisawsome November 2, 2011, 8:34 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    Not very good, I suggest deleting all evidence of it before it ends up in the museum of retarded shit.

    • Goronix
    • November 3, 2011, 12:10 am
    well that museum is already filled with your mom and you
    - castlewarsisawsome November 3, 2011, 12:19 am
    LMFAO!!!
    - MalverdeAl100 November 3, 2011, 12:19 am
    Oh yeah, well the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!
    - Goronix November 3, 2011, 12:22 am
    what are you 12?
    - castlewarsisawsome November 3, 2011, 12:26 am
    What a genius comeback, I'll retaliate with another doozy. What are you 8?
    - Goronix November 3, 2011, 12:30 am
    did you come up with that one all on your own? without your ether of your fathers help? im so proud of you
    - castlewarsisawsome November 3, 2011, 12:32 am
    Reply
  • 1

    Castle, I want to do what you are doing. I shall also write a story!

    • dogggy
    • November 3, 2011, 12:31 am
    cool but trust me it becomes tiring
    - castlewarsisawsome November 3, 2011, 12:36 am
    Yeah I know I've done it before but I wouldn't mind doing it again, here's a few hints that might help you.
    1. Listen to classical piano while you write/type it really helps.
    2. Look for pictures on the internet that relate to your topic of writing so that you can get new ideas to incorporate into your "masterpiece".
    3. Failure is the best success because it helps you see your flaws.
    4. Take a break unless you want to run out of ideas quickly.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    Hope that helps you out
    - dogggy November 3, 2011, 12:41 am
    well when ever i make the fight sceens i listin to hardcore rock which puts my imagantion in the mood for making a fight. it really helps actully
    - castlewarsisawsome November 3, 2011, 12:44 am
    We are all different people in this diverse world. There is something for everybody. Well I'm off to bed. Good night and good luck.
    - dogggy November 3, 2011, 12:49 am
    good night and thinks for the tips
    - castlewarsisawsome November 3, 2011, 12:51 am
    Reply
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