funniest dirty jokes in history

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".

Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".

Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

A guy is sitting in a bar with his friends bitching about going home to his wife.

His friends ask him why he doesn't want to go home to such a fine looking woman and he replies...

"Well, the problem is that she has Gonnorrhea"

So what say the friends, flip her over.

"Well, she also has diarrhea" the guy says.

"Yuck, but what about her mouth." The friends chime in.

"Halitosis" the man says.

"Damn, Why would you stay with her?" The friends say.

"Well," the guy replies "She also has worms, and you guys know how I like to fish."

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  • 3

    more to come soon

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  • 3

    the first one reminds me of overprotective parents

    ima give my kids the talk when they are 10. that way its akward but not so much so.
    - arrowdodger7 November 17, 2010, 8:39 am
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  • 3

    so your parents would say that =o lolz jk

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  • 3

    hehehe nah I actually wont know what they would say never had an experience requiring it...neither of them have given me "The Talk" yet soo >.> not that I need it.

    Reply
  • 3

    lolz im 16 i never had "the talk" but i learned it on tv and from alot of MOTIVATIONAL pos...i mean speakers lolz

    Reply
  • 3

    Lol, same. I swear my parents >>;....

    Reply
  • 3

    I'm 17 almost 18 and never had the talk. I learned from school though. :D

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  • 3

    lol the first one was awesome

    Reply
  • 3

    Haha thats just creepy

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  • 2

    i dont think they are repostz

    Reply
  • 1

    hahahahahahaha funny

    Reply
  • 1

    SO FUNNY!!!

    Reply
  • 1

    i've got better dirty jokes but these are pretty good

    Reply
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