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images - crazy emergency room stories


A 28-year old male was brought into the ER after an attempted suicide. The man had swallowed several nitroglycerin pills and a fifth of vodka. When asked about the bruises about his head and chest he said that they were from him ramming himself into the wall in an attempt to make the nitroglycerin explode.


A 50-year old woman came into the ER with a complaint of mild abdominal pain. During a pelvic exam the doctor found that the lady had inserted a whole chicken piece by piece into her vagina and then safety-pinned her labia shut. Unable to have children she was hoping that the chicken would turn into a baby.



A man in his mid-fifties did a Loraina Bobbit on himself in a drunken rage and ended up in the ER. The urologist thought that he could reattach the mans genitalia if it could be recovered and if it was in good condition. The police were dispatched to the man's house and the search was on. During the search one of the officers heard a choking sound coming from the man's poodle that was sitting in the corner. After a brief fight the officer was able to retrieve the man's jewels from the dog's mouth. After inspection of the parts by the urologist it was decided that the man would need to be taught to pee while sitting (if you know what I mean). The officer was given a commendation from his precinct for medical assistance.



A woman with shortness of breath and who weighed approximately 500lbs was dragged into the ER on a tarp by six firemen. While trying to undress the lady an asthma inhaler fell out of one of the folds under her arm. After an X-ray showed a round mass on the left side of her chest her massive left breast was lifted to find a shiny new dime. And last but not least during a pelvic exam a TV remote control was discovered in one of the folds of her crotch. She became known as "The Human Couch".



A doctor who spoke limited Spanish was rushed to a car in the ER parking lot to find a Spanish woman in the process of giving birth. Wanting to tell the woman to push he started yelling "Puta! Puta! Puta!" At this the grandmother started to cry and the baby's father had to be restrained. What the doctor should have been saying was "Puja!" (Push!) Instead he was saying "Whore! Whore! Whore!"



A 40-year old man and his wife were playing with some vegetables when a cucumber became lodged in his rectum. Unable to get it out on his own he showed up at the ER for some assistance. All he was given was some pain pills and KY jelly and told to wait and he would eventually poop it out. On his way out one of the nurses yelled "Come on back this afternoon. We're having a Butt-luck supper". (How embarrassing is that!)



An unconscious 36-year old male was brought to the ER with cocaine induced seizures. As a nurse pulled back his foreskin to insert a catheter (a tube passed through the urethra and into the bladder) a neatly folded twenty dollar bill fell out of the foreskin fold. When the man woke up and demanded to leave, the nurse gave him back his belongings and told him where she had found the money. His response: "It was a fifty, bitch!"



An elderly woman came into the ER complaining: "I got the green vines in my virginny" (Interesting). A pelvic exam verifies that she did, indeed, have a six inch vine growing out of her vagina. Further inspection revealed that she had a mass in her vaginal vault. It was easily removed and looked very much like a potato. It was, indeed, a potato. The patient said that her uterus was falling out and that she "put a potato in there to hold it up" and then forgot about it.



The most non-emergent ER visit: A male adolescent came in at 2 a.m. with a complaint of belly button lint.



A young female came to the ER with lower abdominal pain. During the exam and questioning the female denied being sexually active. The doctor gave her a pregnancy test anyway and it came back positive. The doctor went back to the young female's room.

Doctor: "The results of your pregnancy test came back positive. Are you sure you're not sexually active?"

Patient: "Sexually active? No, sir, I just lay there."

Doctor: "I see. Well, do you know who the father is?"

Patient: "No. Who?"



A 15-year old boy was laying on a stretcher with his mother sitting next to him. The boy was coming down from "crank" (methamphetamine) that he had injected into his veins with needles he had been sharing with his friends. Concerned about this the doctor asked the boy if there was anything he might have been doing that put him at risk for AIDS. The boy thought for a while then said questioningly, "I've been screwing the dog?"



A 19-year old female was asked why she was in the ER. She said that she and her boyfriend were having sex and the condom came off and she wasn't able to retrieve it with her fingers. I went to the bathroom and "gagged" myself to vomit but couldn't vomit it up either."
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Posted: 2009-11-24 09:57:29

Responses (18) // Sorted by points

  • papagreenjeans - replied 2009-11-24 10:53:39
    +5
    this kid got curios and put a combination lock around his ballsack but he did not know the combination and he didnt want to tell anyone because he was embarrased. He eventually was in so much pain he had to go to the hospital, they removed the lock but the kid is now steral.
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    • GinjaNinja - replied 2010-09-08 16:07:08
      +1
      Now that's BLING!
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  • Kradon666 - replied 2009-11-24 10:31:45
    +1
    Amazing how stupid some people really are....
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  • CaptinCrunk - replied 2009-11-24 10:46:42
    +1
    this is some crazy shit +3
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  • aqoverlay - replied 2009-11-24 11:03:01
    +1
    it is amazing how stupid people are
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  • destroyer124 - replied 2009-11-24 13:45:33
    +1
    lmao the second one about the chicken lmao people are so stupid
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    • ninjapoptart - replied 2009-12-11 17:33:33
      +1
      That was so gross! and the potato. Uck
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  • awesomer1 - replied 2009-11-24 19:09:18
    +1
    ahhh stupid people always make everyone else feel better about themselves +3
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  • Jackylegs - replied 2009-11-24 19:34:36
    +1
    WTF??? The woman with the chicken... weird shit. +3 anyway though funny as.
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  • monkeyman - replied 2009-11-24 22:48:57
    +1
    lol +3
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  • minoshman1 - replied 2009-11-25 00:06:41
    +1
    wtf. She pinned it shut
    FFS!!!
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  • Dannyl - replied 2009-11-25 01:30:57
    +1
    The chicken one, the fat woman one and the screwing the dog one have earned you a +3
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  • Diego - replied 2009-11-28 11:24:36
    +1
    haha i wonder if the chicken would rot inside her vagina...
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    • stewiz - replied 2009-11-28 11:52:26
      +1
      would smell a bit
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  • DangerBunny666 - replied 2009-11-28 13:52:15
    +1
    I dunno what the story is for this x-ray, but I bet it's pretty crazy as well.
    coca cola x ray
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  • TanzInDenTod - replied 2009-12-11 16:36:26
    +1
    who knew the vagina could support the growth of a potatoe
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    • ninjapoptart - replied 2009-12-11 17:34:25
      +1
      LOL next year's science fair project
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  • beaverdundee2011 - replied 2009-12-14 13:21:03
    +1
    haha. morbidly obese people are so disgusting.
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