Why I'm banned from the local CO-OP.
Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from the CO-OP.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from the CO-OP.
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Posted: 2010-07-27 03:38:37
Psst.
Responses (32) / Sorted by points
haha, 16 pounds to a stone, average adult female about 11-14 stone
average teen about 7-10 stone haha kl enough ( thats England NEWay) hahaha jk
average teen about 7-10 stone haha kl enough ( thats England NEWay) hahaha jk
OMG YOU FINALLY HAVE A WORKING SPACE BUTTON.
haha, lmao oh well, i tried my best (It was me grandma who told me :P) senescence seems to be kicking in firmly :P
lmfao rofl hahahahahaha omg thats sooo awesome!!!!!
That's bloody amazing, pleeaase tell me this is true. How're things by the way math? hows the bump?
strange(foreign) to you but please remember of the the things you guys use (i'm assuming you're american)
Although the United Kingdom's 1985 Weights and Measures Act expressly prohibited the use of the stone as a unit of measure for purposes of trade (other than as a supplementary unit), the stone remains widely used within the United Kingdom and also in Ireland as a means of expressing human body weight. People in these countries normally describe themselves as weighing, for example, "11 stone 4" (11 stones and 4 pounds), rather than "72 kilograms" in most other countries, or "158 pounds" (the conventional way of expressing the same weight in the United States and Canada).
wow my math teacher couldn't teach me this in a whole trimester and you did it in like a paragraph.
Haha, fucking math(s) teachers. +1
arent ciggarettes kalled faggs over there thats kool
true, and yes, We Smoke Fags... Haha I'D
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