Why I'm banned from the local CO-OP.

Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from the CO-OP.

  • Math
  • July 27, 2010, 3:38 am
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  • 14

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  • 6

    banned chimp

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  • 3

    Dude new keyboard!
    She's getting big now so she's not sleeping well but they're both fine. Thanks for asking.

    • Math
    • July 27, 2010, 8:20 am
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  • 3

    Although the United Kingdom's 1985 Weights and Measures Act expressly prohibited the use of the stone as a unit of measure for purposes of trade (other than as a supplementary unit), the stone remains widely used within the United Kingdom and also in Ireland as a means of expressing human body weight. People in these countries normally describe themselves as weighing, for example, "11 stone 4" (11 stones and 4 pounds), rather than "72 kilograms" in most other countries, or "158 pounds" (the conventional way of expressing the same weight in the United States and Canada).

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  • 3

    where did you find this? I love it.

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  • 2

    wow my math teacher couldn't teach me this in a whole trimester and you did it in like a paragraph.

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  • 2

    Thats quite funny. Totally worth getting banned. Did she call her manager and complain or something? Is that how you got banned?

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  • 2

    OMG YOU FINALLY HAVE A WORKING SPACE BUTTON.

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  • 2

    Haha, fucking math(s) teachers. +1

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  • 2

    lmfao rofl hahahahahaha omg thats sooo awesome!!!!!

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  • 2

    you banned for the best win ever???? thats silly

    • BEASTY
    • September 18, 2010, 3:32 am
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  • 2

    Wait how old are you?

    • noodle
    • September 24, 2010, 5:49 pm
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  • 2

    I can't believe you got banned for that. If I was the store manager I'd be laughing my ass off.

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  • 1

    Ahaha oh my god I've not laughed so much for ages XD

    • SuDoku
    • July 27, 2010, 4:46 am
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  • 1

    That's bloody amazing, pleeaase tell me this is true. How're things by the way math? hows the bump?

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  • 1

    Dude you are my new hero

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  • 1

    Like I have heard so many times before, you are what you eat. :D

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  • 1

    Lol British people use such funny words.

    • btw32
    • July 27, 2010, 9:07 am
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  • 1

    Such as? (genuine query)

    • Math
    • July 27, 2010, 9:23 am
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  • 1

    Well just from your story... CO-OP, queue(when referring to a line), Arse, The phrase "I'd lost 2 stones...", and Nuggets (when referring to the pieces of dog food). Im not complaining just saying its a little strange.

    • btw32
    • July 27, 2010, 9:29 am
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  • 1

    strange(foreign) to you but please remember of the the things you guys use (i'm assuming you're american)

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  • 1

    Yes yes im sure that everyone words are strange to everybody else. Anyway someone want to explain the whole stones thing? Is that like a measurement of weight or what?

    • btw32
    • July 27, 2010, 10:26 am
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  • 1

    haha, 16 pounds to a stone, average adult female about 11-14 stone
    average teen about 7-10 stone haha kl enough ( thats England NEWay) hahaha jk

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  • 1

    Ahh thanks now the story makes more sense.

    • btw32
    • July 27, 2010, 10:56 am
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  • 1

    Sorry mate it's 16 ounce to a pound and 14lb to a stone.

    • Math
    • July 27, 2010, 11:23 am
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  • 1

    fucking LOVE Wiki !!!

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  • 1

    arent ciggarettes kalled faggs over there thats kool

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  • 1

    haha, lmao oh well, i tried my best (It was me grandma who told me :P) senescence seems to be kicking in firmly :P

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  • 1

    I Know haha
    +1

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  • 1

    true, and yes, We Smoke Fags... Haha I'D

    Reply
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