When girls don’t put out!!

When girls don’t put out!!This was written by a guy…
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.”
We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”
I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,”Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least that b*tch knows I’m smarter than her.

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Comments

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  • 6

    Omg. Give that man a goddamn medal. Or the nobel peace prize.

    Reply
  • 4

    or a cookie

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  • 3

    or a hooker, he deserves it

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  • 3

    He deserves AIDS? I don't think so. I believe a cookie will suffice

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  • 2

    That is quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever read In my entire life. I really wish I could add more but +3 is all i can uprate.

    Reply
  • 2

    havent I read this somewhere before? On another post...

    • dogggy
    • June 1, 2010, 4:26 pm
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  • 2

    http://www.sharenator.com/I_just_want_you_to_hold_me/ There it is. But I have to say. Your's is a lot clearer than that one. Just keep this post here though I'd rather read it clearly and reposted rather than blurry.

    • dogggy
    • June 1, 2010, 4:35 pm
    Reply
  • 2

    more epic than bacon!! :D

    Reply
  • 2

    the good, high quality "escorts" don't have stds, we should get him one of those

    Reply
  • 2

    Hell, let's just get him a whole harem of disease-free escorts. They'll DEFINITELY put out

    Reply
  • 1

    hahaha thx

    Reply
  • 1

    No prob. ;)

    Reply
  • 1

    find the post & I'll delete this one

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  • 1

    that is so funny

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  • 1

    alright then

    Reply
  • 1

    this is the one of the funniest things ive ever read...id give u a high five

    Reply
  • 1

    Ssso is your comment :p

    • noodle
    • June 2, 2010, 11:18 am
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  • 1

    ha pwnage

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  • 1

    lol that is to funny

    Reply
  • 1

    ive seen this before but it is still one of my favorite posts +3

    Reply
  • 1

    I'm a girl and I find that funny!!! (...and yes, I have a laptop in the kitchen. Haha. </sarcasm>)

    Reply
  • 1

    glad u like it:D

    Reply
  • -1

    • Dannyl
    • June 1, 2010, 11:21 pm
    Reply
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