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When girls don’t put out!!This was written by a guy…
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.”
We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”
I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,”Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least that b*tch knows I’m smarter than her.
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Views: 1195
Posted: 2010-06-01 14:37:42

Responses (23) // Sorted by points

Psst.
  • ninjapoptart - replied 2010-06-01 16:11:43
    +6
    Omg. Give that man a goddamn medal. Or the nobel peace prize.
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    • fuzzyelvis - replied 2010-06-02 12:52:32
      +4
      or a cookie
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      • defmid26 - replied 2010-06-02 15:24:09
        +3
        or a hooker, he deserves it
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        • Jofus1992 - replied 2010-06-02 16:43:26
          +3
          He deserves AIDS? I don't think so. I believe a cookie will suffice
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          • defmid26 - replied 2010-06-02 16:44:44
            +2
            the good, high quality "escorts" don't have stds, we should get him one of those
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            • ninjapoptart - replied 2010-06-04 20:42:18
              +2
              Hell, let's just get him a whole harem of disease-free escorts. They'll DEFINITELY put out
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  • Jofus1992 - replied 2010-06-01 15:23:15
    +2
    That is quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever read In my entire life. I really wish I could add more but +3 is all i can uprate.
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    • thekitkatkid - replied 2010-06-01 15:28:50
      +1
      hahaha thx
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      • Jofus1992 - replied 2010-06-01 15:40:20
        +1
        No prob. ;)
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  • dogggy - replied 2010-06-01 16:26:46
    +2
    havent I read this somewhere before? On another post...
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    • thekitkatkid - replied 2010-06-01 16:29:32
      +1
      find the post & I'll delete this one
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  • Dinosaurus - replied 2010-06-02 12:41:11
    +2
    more epic than bacon!! :D
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  • stankiewicz - replied 2010-06-01 16:37:52
    +1
    that is so funny
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  • LoGhitman - replied 2010-06-01 17:12:00
    +1
    this is the one of the funniest things ive ever read...id give u a high five
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  • stankiewicz - replied 2010-06-02 16:36:02
    +1
    lol that is to funny
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  • xxkisamexx - replied 2010-06-02 16:50:22
    +1
    ive seen this before but it is still one of my favorite posts +3
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  • kerokeroppi - replied 2010-06-04 21:09:43
    +1
    I'm a girl and I find that funny!!! (...and yes, I have a laptop in the kitchen. Haha. </sarcasm>)
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    • thekitkatkid - replied 2010-06-04 22:49:17
      +1
      glad u like it:D
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