WW1 as a bar fight
Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of the pub, when Serbia bumps into Austria, and spills Austria's pint.
Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit, because there are splashes on its trouser leg.
Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view
Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.
Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for cleaning Austria's trousers.
Russia and Serbia look at Austria.
Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at.
Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.
Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.
Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?
Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.
Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium.
Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.
France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.
Canada comes over from across the bar, after noticing it's pal Britain is in a bar fight. Canada throws a punch at Germany, knocking out a few of its teeth. Though everyone was too drunk to remember that Canada was even at the bar that night.
Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.
Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings, because Britain made Australia do it.
France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.
America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a bar stool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.
By now all the chairs are broken, and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.
Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit, because there are splashes on its trouser leg.
Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view
Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.
Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for cleaning Austria's trousers.
Russia and Serbia look at Austria.
Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at.
Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.
Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.
Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?
Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.
Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium.
Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.
France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.
Canada comes over from across the bar, after noticing it's pal Britain is in a bar fight. Canada throws a punch at Germany, knocking out a few of its teeth. Though everyone was too drunk to remember that Canada was even at the bar that night.
Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.
Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings, because Britain made Australia do it.
France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.
America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a bar stool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.
By now all the chairs are broken, and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.
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Posted: 2010-08-18 17:09:31
Psst.
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Brilliant. Only niggle is that "Australia punches Turkey" should be more like "Australia, New Zealand, Britain, and France all try to punch Turkey at the same time and end up arguing over whose fault it is they all missed".
Also missing: France shouts for help from Algeria, Senegal and French West Africa, who all punch Germany. France shuts its eyes and sticks its fingers in its ears so later it can pretend they were no help at all.
Also missing: France shouts for help from Algeria, Senegal and French West Africa, who all punch Germany. France shuts its eyes and sticks its fingers in its ears so later it can pretend they were no help at all.
And it's more like America offered to get the round in, but stood around impatiently until everyone provided America with the exact price of their own beers, whilst still going on about how generous it was for America to get the beers.
Love how I got downrated, clearly the truth hurts. Ah well...
It's also missing the five hours of France and Britain hiding behind one over-turned table, and Germany another one opposite, and each of them occasionally running over to try and punch the enemy before getting a bottle thrown at their face and them scrambling back behind their table, and the deadly use of the gas you get inside bags of peanuts being wofted at each other and occasionally accidentally at themselves. Nasty stuff.
It's also missing the five hours of France and Britain hiding behind one over-turned table, and Germany another one opposite, and each of them occasionally running over to try and punch the enemy before getting a bottle thrown at their face and them scrambling back behind their table, and the deadly use of the gas you get inside bags of peanuts being wofted at each other and occasionally accidentally at themselves. Nasty stuff.
Im with you M-N - it was all trench warfare until American Marines re-defined conventional warfare and started taking ground and refusing to stay in the "trench warfare" state of mind -
-totally missing :
Britain and France argue over where America gets to sit at the bar , and finally America sits where it wants to and puts its feet up.
-totally missing :
Britain and France argue over where America gets to sit at the bar , and finally America sits where it wants to and puts its feet up.
Well my knowledge of the Marines isn't great, but I'd more attribute it to the advancement of weaponry, particularly tanks and air forces. The problem in WWI was that the weapons of defence were far greater than attack, the average footsoldier had a basic rifle and they were expected to go and charge straight at machine guns through clouds of poison gas. Once Tanks came into it and weapons became more effective, it evened out and allowed more offensive tactics than sitting and taking potshots in trenches. And if they did sit around in trenches they'd get bombed the shit out of. The Marines may of pioneered conventional warfare but the cause of the change was improved weaponry.
spot on - I meant more that the Marines re-wrote the tactics. I agree with you 100% about everything you said - Just stating that the Britsh , French , and German armies were all happy to stay in trenches - and after the millions of dead comrades I cannot blame them for not wanting to charge into battle, "all quiet on the western front" was an amazing book - so was " To the last man " - I don't think that many people realize how shitty it was back then. The Maxium Machine gun was the most technologically advanced weapon and revolutionized the battlefield and psychological warfare in general.
Wouldn't mind a link on the Marines in ww1 out of interest, I've not heard that before. The bit about Britain and France arguing over where America should fight raised a smile though :D
In the UK at school we're usually taught that Germany was the first to break free of the trench tactics, with the sturmtruppen (sp?) battalions - volunteer veteran formations armed with lighter weapons (captured Lewis guns, carbines, flamethrowers and possibly the first Bergman smgs). Although I have read about one US Marine sgt. taking a village of 30 Germans prisoner because he had a 1897 trench gun. The Germans feared the American's shotguns so much they tried to gt it banned under the Geneva convention.
In the UK at school we're usually taught that Germany was the first to break free of the trench tactics, with the sturmtruppen (sp?) battalions - volunteer veteran formations armed with lighter weapons (captured Lewis guns, carbines, flamethrowers and possibly the first Bergman smgs). Although I have read about one US Marine sgt. taking a village of 30 Germans prisoner because he had a 1897 trench gun. The Germans feared the American's shotguns so much they tried to gt it banned under the Geneva convention.
LOL - HAHAHAHAHA - best part ever !
" Canada comes over from across the bar, after noticing it's pal Britain is in a bar fight. Canada throws a punch at Germany, knocking out a few of its teeth. Though everyone was too drunk to remember that Canada was even at the bar that night "
" Canada comes over from across the bar, after noticing it's pal Britain is in a bar fight. Canada throws a punch at Germany, knocking out a few of its teeth. Though everyone was too drunk to remember that Canada was even at the bar that night "
And Mexico would be the bartender laughing his ass off and recording the barfight and later posting it on YouTube lol
lmao quite the picture you have painted of ww1 :D loved it rofl
Of course no ever remembers Canada, even though they did a good chunk of damage knocking out some of Germany teeth
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