1. I got fired from my job at Subway the other day.

Turns out when someone asks for a foot long meatball I'm not supposed to whip out my genitals on the counter.

2. I was due to give a speech in front of 250 people and was really nervous.

So I remembered the old saying "just imagine everyone naked", which seemed to work.

Until I started masturbating on stage.

3. I was having sex the other day, banging away, when suddenly I stopped mid-thrust and stood really still.

"What are you doing?"

"Something I learnt from online porn. It's called 'buffering'."

4. I saw a rolex on ebay and it said on the listing "Watch this item".

I don't remember setting the language to cave man.

5. I'm downloading the Qur'an from an ebook site. I've got a slow connection but it should be done by Saturday the 11th.

I'm putting it on disk, if anyone wants one I can burn a few copies

6. A man walks into a Library and says, "Oi bitch. I want a fucking book to learn some cunting Spanish. Where the fuck are they?"

Librarian says, "There's no need for that language, sir!"

He says, "You're probably right. They all speak English anyway."

7. Mum! I think I've had my first period!!

No Justin, you've just undone the stitches from when your balls were ripped off.

8. Most searched on Yahoo:

"Is Google down?"

9. I could never work in the Jobcentre. Imagine if you got fired! You'd still have to show up the next day...

10. I'll be fucked if this rape alarm doesn't work.

Same drill guys, enough uprates and there will be another post up in a weeks time

heres the first post if you didn't see it

www.sharenator.com/10_funny_ass_jokes_to_make_you_LOL/