Meet Steve, an average guy with a few secrets to him. As an example, Steve lives in a small apartment all by himself, but claims he has friends everywhere. Sadly this isn't True, Steve has no friends at all. Steve told his mom he was going to be busy having a party with friends tonight, well those friends are pieces of toilet paper, but he sure can Party Hard.

Steve had a friend once, named Frank. Frank always wore pants that looked like the US Flag. But Steve is a prankster, and talked Frank into watching one of those videos where a scary face pops up, then Steve popped up with a mask. Frank tossed a lamp at steve, then escaped out the window. Frank has never spoken to Steve since.

So Steve spends his time trying to make robots. His latest was a walker which he could sit in, but some little kid in a silly hood crashed it.

Steve's interests then turned to Snails, trying to get one to break mach 1 to be exact... He fitted a snail with a cybernetic shell that morphed into a jet engine and two hoverblades, but lost the snail.

Steve lives in a nice rural area, where everyone knows eachother, Just ask Fatty and Fat,, he drives past them every day when coming home from the mall.

Steve's brother, Alan, was very concerned with Steve. In particular with Steve's ego constantly inflating, which he was sure contributed to where nobody liked Steve.

Alan took Steve to the park to watch birds fly around, but then ditched Steve because Alan is a dick.

Steve then met Paul, a immigrant to the US and a patriot. Paul went about life very strangely, doing things differently for no apparent reason. Paul had a very silly way of getting into cars.
Steve thought it was because Paul watched a lot of strange Japanese game shows.

Paul introduced Steve to Randy, a weightlifter and bodybuilder. But Randy seemed a tad bit fruity and Steve ran away. That night Steve had a dream where he was a cat, and he walked into a bathroom. A big flashing sign said "Enter" over the bathtub, and being a cat, it seemed pretty legit. But it turned out the tub was full of freezing water. Steve flailed and made his way out, barely...

Steve woke up in a strange room with a baby in a crib across from him. He went over to hold the baby since it was crying, but the baby just looked at him weird and whined more, cause it's a baby. The baby started screaming, so Steve ran away again.

In the next room he found a strange sight, some form of mating ritual for inner-city inhabitants perhaps? Steve wouldn't know, he was a southern country boy at heart (From PA).

Steve met up with Alan again, and Alan pulled some Assassin's Creed bullshit and ran up a house with one of his friends, leaving Steve alone with a drugdealer named Craig. Craig had a pretty impressive list, but was only one man. So Craig told Steve and that Steve could get in on the business for a 50/50 split. Steve took up the offer, quitting his job at a meeting the next day.

Steve's first deal was with a bunch of girls, who insisted he stay to watch them light a fart on fire. That didn't end well, and seeing as Steve was loaded with drugs he got the **** out of there quickly.

Steve's second dealing was with his old black friend, Paul. Paul couldn't pay up front though, because his dad was there. Paul and his dad didn't get along well, Steve didn't know why. He told Paul he could come back later and left the two alone.

Next came a strange man named Kunta who wanted more fish, then a skinny nerd who was talking about how he tweeted his friend that the weed was there finally.

Steve was living the life, he was spending his time counting stacks of 100s and pretending to be a rapper in front of a wall of TVs.

Alan was pretty worried about Steve, but every attempt Alan made to get to Steve resulted in a fight of nothing but Steve shouting Fuck You and Flipping the Bird at Alan.

So Alan went back to his kids, who were idiots. One slapped the other in the middle of a film-clip, it's totally on youtube. Alan was strangely ok when he saw this and gave them a double thumbs up. Then when Alan had two lady-friends over his kids got in a fight and one smacked the other with a bat in the face. The lady friends were shocked, but Alan just "Didn't give a Fuck".

Steve tried to audition for a dance-show on TV, but fell on his face. He swears one of the judges shot a laser at him. Steve tried telling a cute schoolteacher named Julie about it, but Julie just told Steve to fuck off. Then Julie started picking her nose in front of the class, Steve's last sight was the little black kid shaking his head in disgust and a girl who's eyebrows were twitching like crazy.

Steve left and met up with Paul again, who was shocked to see Steve with money for a change. They went to a bar with one of those mechanical bulls just in time to see a fat woman demonstrate the laws of physics.

Steve went home that night and tripped out on what he hadn't sold, the colors were amazing.

The End.

#10 ....and she wonders why her partner have premature ejaculation.

#35 i m glad she didnt do it the other way around....

awesome story........ btw 31 and 32 had me laughing for hours :)

Just to let you know, I see #39 and I think, "Shelby..."

#14 assassin's creed