Retire Aged Personnel Early

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for the Department
areas, we are forced to cut our number of personnel.

Under the new plan, older employees will be asked to accept early
retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who
represent our future plans.

Therefore, a programme to phase out older personnel by the end of
the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed in effect
immediately. The programme will be known as R.A.P.E.
(Retire Aged Personnel Early).

Employees who are R.A.P.E.D. will be given the opportunity to look
for other employment outside the company. Provided they are being
R.A.P.E.D., they can request a review of the employment records
before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation
will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of retired Early

All employees who have been R.A.P.E.D. or S.C.R.E.W.E.D. may file
an appeal with upper management. This will be called S.H.A.F.T.
(Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms
of the new policies, employees may be R.A.P.E.D. once,
S.C.R.E.W.E.D. twice, but may be S.H.A.F.T.E.D. as many times as
the company deems appropriate.

If any employee follows the above procedure, he or she will be
entitled to get H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's
Early Severance). As H.E.R.P.E.S. is considered a benefit plan. any
employee who has received H.E.R.P.E.S. will no longer be R.A.P.E.D.
or S.C.R.E.W.E.D. by the company.

Management wishes to assure younger employees who remain on board
that the company will continue its policy to ensure that employees
are well trained through our Special High Intensity Training
(S.H.I.T) program.

The company takes pride in the amount of S.H.I.T our employees
receive. We have given our employees more S.H.I.T than any other
company in this area. If any employee feels he or she does not
receive enough S.H.I.T on the job, see your immediate supervisor,
for your supervisor is especially trained to make sure you recieve
all the S.H.I.T you can handle.

The Management

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  • April 22, 2010, 3:59 am
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