Post A Joke :D
My joke:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
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Posted: 2011-02-23 15:01:05
Psst.
Responses (86) / Sorted by points
Haha, this one's so random it always makes me laugh xD
+1, for you
+1, for you
"well trebek i have a riddle for you a conundrum if you will, what is the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? Ones a sick duck...forget the rest your mothers a whore". better!!
lol i was just trying to make the joke better no need to downrate me. and there was no insult
oh well then i guess a troll is pissed at me. lol i can't wait for to relize how stupid the idea of downrating someone everytime they get the chance.
stupid trolls lol i dont care about points i can just get them back
Posted: 2011-02-27 12:13:14 Report
You beat me to it so +1 for you i still laugh every time i see that especially since i can say it in his voice well close enough to it anyways XD
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute.
“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute.
“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
YO MAMA IS SO FAT SHE BLOCKED SNORLAX'S PATH! >:D
Made this myself^^^
Made this myself^^^
A Jew a Mexican and a black guy all walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Get the fuck out"
The bartender doesn't like jews mexicans or blacks so he tells them to get the fuck out. its a racist joke
Whats really gross?
A dead baby in a garbage bin.
Whats grosser than that?
100 dead babies in a garbage bin
Whats grosser than that?
The one at the bottom is still alive
Whats grosser than that?
It has to eat its way out
What grosser than that?
It goes back for more
A dead baby in a garbage bin.
Whats grosser than that?
100 dead babies in a garbage bin
Whats grosser than that?
The one at the bottom is still alive
Whats grosser than that?
It has to eat its way out
What grosser than that?
It goes back for more
Why did the chef go to jail? He was caught beating an egg and whipping the cream.
Have you heard Stephen Hawking has a new book out? - It's about time.
What's red, swollen and scratching at the glass? - a baby in a microwave
After hearing today that curries cure cancer, i can help but think that Shilpa Shettie had the last laugh.
How do you know if someone has an iphone? - they tell you
I've been trying to phone Stephen Hawking all week but i keep getting through to his answer phone with the automated message.
My friend is entering the X-factor this year and i wanted to give him all the support and help that i could - so i killed his mum.
Apparently the reason the McCanns left Maddie on her own was because she kept having tantrums - Must have been a mid-life crisis.
What's red, swollen and scratching at the glass? - a baby in a microwave
After hearing today that curries cure cancer, i can help but think that Shilpa Shettie had the last laugh.
How do you know if someone has an iphone? - they tell you
I've been trying to phone Stephen Hawking all week but i keep getting through to his answer phone with the automated message.
My friend is entering the X-factor this year and i wanted to give him all the support and help that i could - so i killed his mum.
Apparently the reason the McCanns left Maddie on her own was because she kept having tantrums - Must have been a mid-life crisis.
2 women were working at a shop checkout, one say to the other
"i bet i can tell which guy is single"
the other woman was curious to see if she was telling the truth so she agreed to the bet, she looks at the next customer and says
"is he single?"
the woman looks at his food: one loaf, one 10 pack of beer, and one tin of beans. the owman at the check out said to him;
"your single arnt you?"
he said
"yes, how did yoo know that?"
she replied, "Because your fucking ugly"
"i bet i can tell which guy is single"
the other woman was curious to see if she was telling the truth so she agreed to the bet, she looks at the next customer and says
"is he single?"
the woman looks at his food: one loaf, one 10 pack of beer, and one tin of beans. the owman at the check out said to him;
"your single arnt you?"
he said
"yes, how did yoo know that?"
she replied, "Because your fucking ugly"
I know I'm gonna get flak for this, but:
...what? This is post a joke, right?
...what? This is post a joke, right?
On a less serious note:
A man is sitting on a stool in a bar, when a punk rocker walks in. The old man takes a couple quick looks at him, and notices the massive mohawk on his head, colored in a rainbow style. The punk rocker looks at him and says "What? Never done anything crazy in you life?". The old man starts laughing and says "Had sex with a parot once. I was trying to figure out if your my son."
A man is sitting on a stool in a bar, when a punk rocker walks in. The old man takes a couple quick looks at him, and notices the massive mohawk on his head, colored in a rainbow style. The punk rocker looks at him and says "What? Never done anything crazy in you life?". The old man starts laughing and says "Had sex with a parot once. I was trying to figure out if your my son."
There was a really large woman blocking the door at the Italian restaurant yesterday night. I couldn't get pasta!
I bought 10 litres of Tip-Ex yesterday. Big mistake!
I bought 10 litres of Tip-Ex yesterday. Big mistake!
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That’s it.”
i got a pun! it's about a pizza oh wait it's to chessy
lol thats a shock usely puns suck
Someone stole my bike complained a priest to his minister friend. Bring up the ten commandments in your sermon tomorrow as you get to Thou shalt not steal the guilty party will come forward said the minister confidently.
The next day the priest visited the minister and happily reported he had found his bike when i came to thou shalt not commit adultery i remembered where i had left it.
A nun goes to confession oh father i am ashamed i was golfing with the other sisters and i said the F word.
Oh sister what made you say the F word?
Well i teed of the fifth hole and sliced it into the woods.
Sister for that you said the F word?
Oh no i got out of that mess ok only to land in a sand trap.
Sister for that you said the F word?
Oh no i got a good hit it bounced on the green and rolled into the trap on the other side.
Sister for that you said the F word?
Oh no i hit it out of the trap and it came up six inches from the hole.
Oh sister for that you said the F word?
Oh heavens no father.
then the priest interrupts and ask Sister don't tell me you missed a fucking six inch putt?!?
The next day the priest visited the minister and happily reported he had found his bike when i came to thou shalt not commit adultery i remembered where i had left it.
A nun goes to confession oh father i am ashamed i was golfing with the other sisters and i said the F word.
Oh sister what made you say the F word?
Well i teed of the fifth hole and sliced it into the woods.
Sister for that you said the F word?
Oh no i got out of that mess ok only to land in a sand trap.
Sister for that you said the F word?
Oh no i got a good hit it bounced on the green and rolled into the trap on the other side.
Sister for that you said the F word?
Oh no i hit it out of the trap and it came up six inches from the hole.
Oh sister for that you said the F word?
Oh heavens no father.
then the priest interrupts and ask Sister don't tell me you missed a fucking six inch putt?!?
What we think of Dora the Explorer.
This is the normal reaction when a person form elementary school, middle school, and high school see The "Where is Swiper" section from Dora the Explorer for the 1st time.
Elementary school: "There he is! Mom! I did it!"
Middle school: "This is Fucking stupid."
High Schhol: "OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! DORA!!!! HE IS RIGHT THERE! DONT LET HIM TAKE YOUR SHIT OH MY GOD!!!!! I'LL FUCKING KILL THAT DAMN FOX!!
The end
This is the normal reaction when a person form elementary school, middle school, and high school see The "Where is Swiper" section from Dora the Explorer for the 1st time.
Elementary school: "There he is! Mom! I did it!"
Middle school: "This is Fucking stupid."
High Schhol: "OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! DORA!!!! HE IS RIGHT THERE! DONT LET HIM TAKE YOUR SHIT OH MY GOD!!!!! I'LL FUCKING KILL THAT DAMN FOX!!
The end
It was 5:00 in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks.
The drill sergeant walks in and bellows, "This is an inspection! I wanna see you's all formed up outside butt naked NOW!"
So, the soldier's quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks.
The sarge walked out and yells, "Close up the ranks, conserve your body heat!" So they close in slightly...
The captain comes along with his swagger stick.
He goes to the first soldier and whacks him right across the chest with it. "DID THAT HURT?" he yells.
"No, Sir!" came the reply.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
The captain is impressed, and walks on to the next man.
He takes the stick and whacks the soldier right across the rear.
"Did THAT hurt?"
"No, Sir!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
Still extremely impressed, the captain walks to the third guy, and sees he has an enormous erection. Naturally, he gave his target a huge WHACK with the swagger stick.
"Did THAT hurt?"
"No, Sir!"
"Why not?"
"Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!"
The drill sergeant walks in and bellows, "This is an inspection! I wanna see you's all formed up outside butt naked NOW!"
So, the soldier's quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks.
The sarge walked out and yells, "Close up the ranks, conserve your body heat!" So they close in slightly...
The captain comes along with his swagger stick.
He goes to the first soldier and whacks him right across the chest with it. "DID THAT HURT?" he yells.
"No, Sir!" came the reply.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
The captain is impressed, and walks on to the next man.
He takes the stick and whacks the soldier right across the rear.
"Did THAT hurt?"
"No, Sir!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
Still extremely impressed, the captain walks to the third guy, and sees he has an enormous erection. Naturally, he gave his target a huge WHACK with the swagger stick.
"Did THAT hurt?"
"No, Sir!"
"Why not?"
"Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!"
What's the difference between a black guy and a bench?
A bench can support a family of 4.
What's the difference between a boy scout and a Jew?
Boy scouts come home from camp.
A bench can support a family of 4.
What's the difference between a boy scout and a Jew?
Boy scouts come home from camp.
yo mama so dumb she try to drown a fish in water
once upon a time 2 tomatoes were walking across the road, a car smashed one of them, and the other one said: "hey! ketchup, willya?"
i know i know i'm not good at making jokes -.-
once upon a time 2 tomatoes were walking across the road, a car smashed one of them, and the other one said: "hey! ketchup, willya?"
i know i know i'm not good at making jokes -.-
you can actually drown a fish
u pull it backwards and itll drown
u pull it backwards and itll drown
apparantly ye but im not sure if its true
What it is, is when a fish isn't swimming straight-you can hold it in place as well-the water isn't filtering out of his gills. So, the water gets stuck and th efish is unable to breathe. As such, you drown the fish.
I know its not a joke but its still funny
I'd tell you a joke but you wouldn't get it. Pussy.
A Rabbi and a Preist are walking down the road when a little boy walks by. The Preist says to the Rabbi, "Lets fuck him." The Rabbi says, "Out of what?"
This guy says to his wife, "I want you to pay me a compliment and insult me at the same time." The wife thinks for a minute and says, "Honey. You have a bigger cock than all your friends."
Q: Why is driving in the fog like eating pussy?
A: If you don't slow down and watch what you're doing you could hit the asshole in front of you.
Q: How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool?
A: Turn it upsidedown.
Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well hung.
Q: What did the Mexican say when a house fell on him?
A: Hey, get off me homes.
This guy says to his wife, "I want you to pay me a compliment and insult me at the same time." The wife thinks for a minute and says, "Honey. You have a bigger cock than all your friends."
Q: Why is driving in the fog like eating pussy?
A: If you don't slow down and watch what you're doing you could hit the asshole in front of you.
Q: How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool?
A: Turn it upsidedown.
Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well hung.
Q: What did the Mexican say when a house fell on him?
A: Hey, get off me homes.
What we think of Dora the Explorer.
This is the normal reaction when a person form elementary school, middle school, and high school see The "Where is Swiper" section from Dora the Explorer for the 1st time.
Elementary school: "There he is! Mom! I did it!"
Middle school: "This is Fucking stupid."
High Schhol: "OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! DORA!!!! HE IS RIGHT THERE! DONT LET HIM TAKE YOUR SHIT OH MY GOD!!!!! I'LL FUCKING KILL THAT DAMN FOX!!
The end
This is the normal reaction when a person form elementary school, middle school, and high school see The "Where is Swiper" section from Dora the Explorer for the 1st time.
Elementary school: "There he is! Mom! I did it!"
Middle school: "This is Fucking stupid."
High Schhol: "OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! DORA!!!! HE IS RIGHT THERE! DONT LET HIM TAKE YOUR SHIT OH MY GOD!!!!! I'LL FUCKING KILL THAT DAMN FOX!!
The end
A cowboy just won first place in a rodeo in a small town So proud of his horse he rode to the town saloon he comes out of the bar hours later and notices someone has painted his horses balls red furious he storms into the bar yells at the top of his lungs who painted my horses balls red suddenly in the back a shirtless man stands up who is 6'6 with 19' biceps tattoos over his upper body and scars on his face with two large bowie knives strapped to his waist says I did and what about it?....I just wanted to let you know sir...the first coat is dry
An American takes a foreigner to a baseball game. The foreigner is just beginning to get into cheering batters as they run to first then a batter draws a walk.
the foreigner starts to yell RUN BOY RUN!!
His host with a bemused smile explains he doesn't have to run, he has four balls.
The foreigner stands up and shouts WALK PROUDLY BOY WALK PROUDLY!
An American takes a foreigner to a baseball game. The foreigner is just beginning to get into cheering batters as they run to first then a batter draws a walk.
the foreigner starts to yell RUN BOY RUN!!
His host with a bemused smile explains he doesn't have to run, he has four balls.
The foreigner stands up and shouts WALK PROUDLY BOY WALK PROUDLY!
Here is a joke I just downrated everyone!!! :D Muuahahahah
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That's not a joke, just some lame-ass story
Ouch man that hurt. Seriously you went to far
the internet line is at least 3 times farther then in real life
If you ask me I think both your jokes were terrible..
well mine sucks because most of my jokes are back and forth(with my friend) and you wont get it unless you understand other insaide jokes.
Ah, that explains alot then. Thank-you :D
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your dad so poor he couldn't even buy a condom
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your so gay you can't show some respect
I respect you icelandgirly. Haha see what I did there? (:
haha straight on!
see what i did there?
see what i did there?
You're so gay you can't even spell "your" gay, right!
Lol, jk, I like you Dawn :D
Lol, jk, I like you Dawn :D
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Castlewarsisawsome... I belive you got owned by Dawn. >:)
Yay for dawn!
Yay for dawn!
Dawn is probably one of the most awesome people on here
Yup, they are awesome. Dunno what sharenator would be like without them (:
meh whatever. i relly dont care
Your so gay you get butthurt when people downrate you
i dont really care about points really
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