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Helen Keller Jokes

Q: What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
A1: Corduroy.
A2: Velcro.

Q. Why is all of Helen Keller's face burnt?
A. She was bobbing for french fries.

Q: How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face?
A: She answer the iron.

Q: How did she burn the other side of her face?
A: They called back.

Q: Why was Helen Keller's leg wet?
A: Her dog was blind too.

Q. Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A. she needs the other to moan with.

Q. How did she burn her fingers?
A. Reading the waffle iron

Q. What did she do when she fell down the well?
A. She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue.

Q. How come she didn't scream when she fell off the cliff?
A. She was wearing mittens

Q. Why does she wear skin tight pants?
A. So you can read her lips

Q. Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
A. You would too if your name was 'Urghrrghrghr'.

Q. Have you heard of the new Helen Keller doll?
A. Wind it up and it walks into walls.

Q. What's this (slowly waving fingers)?
A. Helen Keller moaning

Q: Who is the cruelest man in the world?
A: The guy who raped Helen Keller, then cut off her hands so she couldn't
scream for help.

Q: How come Helen Keller can't have kids??
A: Because she's DEAD!

Q. How did Helen Keller drive herself crazy?
A. Trying to read a stucco wall.

Q: What did HK's parent's do to punish her?
A1: Rearranged the furniture
A2: Left the plunger in the toilet bowl
A3: Put Saran Wrap on the toilet.
A4: Put her in a round room and told her there's a penny in the corner
A5: Washed her hands out with soap
A6: Gave her bird-seed to read.
A7: Glued doorknobs to the walls

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?
A1: She's a woman.
A2: She's dead.

Q: How did Helen Keller break her arm in the car?
A: Trying to read stop signs.

Q: How did HK get poke marks on her face?
A: Learning to eat with a fork.

Q: What's the name of Helen Keller's favorite book?
A: "Around the block in 80 Days"

Q: Define true love.
A: Hellen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.

Q: Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in the backyard?
A: Neither did she.

Q: How did Helen Keller drive her car?
A: One hand on the wheel; The other on the road.

Q: How did Helen Keller meet her husband?
A: On a blind date!

Q: How did Helen Keller pierce her ear?
A: Answering the stapler.

Q: How did Helen Keller's teachers punish her for talking in class?
A: They made her wear mittens.

Q: Why didn't Helen Keller change her baby's diaper?
A: So she could always find him.

Q: Why did Helen Keller have yellow fingers?
A: from whispering sweet-nothings in her boyfriends ear

Q: How did Helen Keller pick her eyes out?
A: She shouted histerically.

for Kradon666 's awesome comments to my post he will get 25% of the points from this post.

Kradon666 's comments:
Jokes #4: "Hello ossifer... I'm not as think as you drunk I am."

Officer says, "You're eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You respond, "You're eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Jokes #6: Buy a happy meal and give them a $100 bill. Complain when they don't accept it.

Constantly pick your nose at the window and them hand them the money with the hand you used to pick with.

Wear a turban and a fake beard, have a few AK-47's in the passenger seat, and speak in a middle-eastern fashion. Constantly chant ALLAH-ALLAH-ALLAH between the points when you are actually ordering. Make subliminal suggestions that you are on your way to blow up an airport. Try to look like you are very nervous.
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Views: 12195
Posted: 2009-10-29 08:23:55

Responses (10) // Sorted by points

  • Kradon666 - replied 2010-01-04 16:48:59
    +2
    O_o this post has been here for two months... wow.........
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    • xiclown - replied 2010-01-05 05:29:42
      +2
      >.>
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  • matt1584 - replied 2009-10-30 08:17:27
    +1
    WOW whole day no comments at all im gonna cry! JK! please comment!EDIT: just editing 4 the update!
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    • Kradon666 - replied 2010-01-04 16:50:18
      +1
      commenting your own post unfortunately doesn't put it on the featured posts list. It has to have more than 3 points before that happens...
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  • drkphoenix30 - replied 2010-01-05 17:27:42
    +1
    Q: What is the cruelest present ever given to Helen Keller?
    A: The Rubiks Cube
    A: Paint by numbers picture.

    Q: What is the cruelest present Helen Keller ever gave?
    A: Her first paint by numbers painting.
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  • Armork66 - replied 2010-01-05 18:01:53
    +1
    Q: How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face?
    A: She answer the iron.

    Q: How did she burn the other side of her face?
    A: They called back.
    Reply
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