I need funny jokes. They can be dirty, clean, racist, or anything you can think of. I just need some funny jokes. Thank you

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  • 8

    Your Mum's so fat, when she fell down the stairs I thought EastEnders was ending

    Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

    What's E.T short for?

    Because he's got little legs.

    What do you call a woman with an opinion?


    How do you fix a woman's watch?

    No need, there's a clock on the oven.

    I'm constantly on instant messenger, chat rooms and facebook, and because of this my girlfriend says I'm unable to show emotion.

    I was surprised, so I pulled this face :-O

    Took a girl home last night, she was gagging for it.
    No, sorry - gagged.
    Always get my tenses mixed up.

    I'm not racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for black people.

    So here I am in the Internet Cafe with the biggest fucking nigger I've ever seen reading every word I ty

    I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
    So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.
    That shut her up.

    • Dannyl
    • February 1, 2010, 7:36 am
  • 5

    whats the difference between a mexican and a bench?
    the bench can support a family

    what do jews and pizza have in common?
    they both go into an oven

    whats the difference between a pizza and an oven?
    the pizza doesnt scream when it goes in the oven

    why do black people shoot with the gun sideways?
    because thats the way it comes in the box

    how do you start a mass genocide?
    give the the box with the gun backwards

    how do you find the total population of mexico?
    roll a quarter down the street?

    how do you find the richest person in mexico?
    find the person that found the quarter

    you know you're a redneck if you let your 14 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her baby

    you know you're a redneck if you've been married and divorced with 7 different people and still had the same in-laws

    you know you're a redneck if your jack-o-lantern has more teeth that your spouse

    A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain.
    His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
    Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.'
    'No rike Chinese?' asks the copilot, '....why not?'
    'You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why !'
    'No, no,' the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.'
    'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese... doesn't matter, you're all alike!'

    There's a few minutes of silence.
    'I no rike Jews either!' the copilot suddenly announces.
    'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.
    'Jews sink Titanic.'
    'What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!'
    'Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg mattah... all same.'

  • 3

    how many add kids does it take to change a lightbulb
    lets go ride a bicycle

    how long does it take chuck norris to to change a lightbulb
    chuck norris likes to kill in the dark

    how many boobs does it take to change a light bulb
    as many as you can get

    • nevorak
    • February 1, 2010, 1:19 pm
  • 3

    whats the speed limmit of sex...68 because at 69 you have to turn around

  • 2

    If you need some good jokes here are some. NOTE. these are only corny, clean jokes, but worth a look.

  • 1

    1) why are snooker players so precise?
    2) when in doubt, whip it out!
    3) if pigs could fly they'd be pigeons!
    4) Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on vacation

    • Simmo49
    • February 1, 2010, 10:34 am
  • 1

    Here is the sickest collection of jokes ive ever found on the internet.

    • Goober
    • February 1, 2010, 12:12 pm
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