Your Mum's so fat, when she fell down the stairs I thought EastEnders was ending


Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.


What's E.T short for?

Because he's got little legs.


What do you call a woman with an opinion?

Wrong.


How do you fix a woman's watch?

No need, there's a clock on the oven.


I'm constantly on instant messenger, chat rooms and facebook, and because of this my girlfriend says I'm unable to show emotion.

I was surprised, so I pulled this face :-O


Took a girl home last night, she was gagging for it.
No, sorry - gagged.
Always get my tenses mixed up.


I'm not racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for black people.


So here I am in the Internet Cafe with the biggest fucking nigger I've ever seen reading every word I ty



I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.
That shut her up.

whats the difference between a mexican and a bench?
the bench can support a family


what do jews and pizza have in common?
they both go into an oven


whats the difference between a pizza and an oven?
the pizza doesnt scream when it goes in the oven


why do black people shoot with the gun sideways?
because thats the way it comes in the box

how do you start a mass genocide?
give the the box with the gun backwards


how do you find the total population of mexico?
roll a quarter down the street?

how do you find the richest person in mexico?
find the person that found the quarter


you know you're a redneck if you let your 14 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her baby


you know you're a redneck if you've been married and divorced with 7 different people and still had the same in-laws


you know you're a redneck if your jack-o-lantern has more teeth that your spouse


A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain.
His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.'
'No rike Chinese?' asks the copilot, '....why not?'
'You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why !'
'No, no,' the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.'
'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese... doesn't matter, you're all alike!'

There's a few minutes of silence.
'I no rike Jews either!' the copilot suddenly announces.
'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.
'Jews sink Titanic.'
'What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!'
'Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg ...no mattah... all same.'

how many add kids does it take to change a lightbulb
lets go ride a bicycle

how long does it take chuck norris to to change a lightbulb
chuck norris likes to kill in the dark


how many boobs does it take to change a light bulb
as many as you can get

whats the speed limmit of sex...68 because at 69 you have to turn around

If you need some good jokes here are some. NOTE. these are only corny, clean jokes, but worth a look.
www.theoatmeal.com/djtaf

1) why are snooker players so precise?
2) when in doubt, whip it out!
3) if pigs could fly they'd be pigeons!
4) Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on vacation

Here is the sickest collection of jokes ive ever found on the internet.
www.neonbubble.com/article/sick-jokes