Funny stories and jokes

Two boys were in the woods when they heard something behind the bushes so they went to check it out and it was a hot naked girl taking a bath. For some reason one of the boys runs out of there. Hesitant of this the other boy went to go see why he ran. He finally found the boy and asked him why he ran and he answered with this "well I ran because my mom said if i ever saw a naked woman that i would turn to stone, i felt something getting hard so i ran.

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" Enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but i hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.

A Duck walks into a bar.
Duck" You got any bread?
Barman" No, sorry we don't have any bread.
Duck"You got any bread?
Barman:Look, we don't have any bread.
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: WE DON"T HAVE ANY ****ING BREAD!
Duck:You got any bread?
Barman: If you ask me if I've got any F***ing bread once more I'm gonna nail your F***ing bill to this bar!!!
Duck:You got any nails?
Barman:NO!!!
Duck:You got any bread?

A blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, she replies, "Bring me a Beer."
The bartender then asks, "AnheuserBusch"? To which she replies, "FIne thanks, and how's your cock?

What did the blonde's left leg say to the right leg?
"Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money".

A blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work once day and the blonde had a rope around here waist. The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, "You put it aound your neck!" The blonde replied, "I tried that but i couldn't breathe!"

A blonde and a brunette are taking a walk, and the brunette goes, "Oh look, a dead bird," and the blonde looks up at the sky and goes, "Where?!"

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Comments

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  • 1

    lmao nice

    • Mizuno
    • May 8, 2010, 10:16 am
    Reply
  • 1

    ha lol

    • Demono
    • May 18, 2010, 6:20 am
    Reply
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