Funniest Chuck Norris Joke

I am holding a contest. Rd 1 ends on march 15. whoever can post the funniest Chuck Norris Joke by then wins rd 1. I will then have 2 more rounds and the winners of all 3 rounds will have a vote to see who has the best Chuck Norris joke of all time. Ready? Set? GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Chuck Norris Facts



Round one is over. The winner is buddyforeva!!!
Rd 2 is on...you have till 11:00 to post ur nxt response...


thumbnail - funniest chuck norris joke


Round 2 winner is Chaosmaster!!!
You have untill toonight at midnight to post a Chuck Norris Joke and qualify for the third and final round!!!

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Comments

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  • 3

    I unliked Chuck Norris on Facebook... My computer crashed

    Haha...i chuckled
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 1:46 pm
    buddyforeva wins rd 1!!!
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 8:07 pm
    I need u 2 go 2 new unrated posts and look for Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes Part 2. Then rate and post cause i need 2 get that on the board so u can b judged by the ppl of sharenator.
    - mariofox03 March 11, 2011, 4:39 pm
    Reply
  • 3

    Chuck Norris' sperm count is so high, women have to chew before they swallow

    When Cocaine Wants To Party, It Snorts Charlie Sheen
    -just sayin'
    - Stoy March 11, 2011, 8:36 pm
    Reply
  • 2

    Chuck norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
    PeeWee Herman got arrested for masturbationg in public, on The same day,Chuck norris got an award.

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! the second 1s good. ur winning
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 1:53 pm
    Reply
  • 2

    Pick your poison.

    after a night of paryting chuck norris doesnt throw up he throws down

    *Chuck Norris is the real reason Mitt Romney dropped out of the presidential race.

    *Chuck Norris was originally considered for the part of Jesus in the Passion of the Christ. However, the director realized that Chuck Norris cannot show the emotion of pain. He can only inflict it.

    *Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.

    *Chuck Norris can say to a waitress, "can i have your number just kidding just kidding," and get it!

    *Osama Bin Laden hates the USA because he is envious that Chuck Norris is there

    *She had fun fun fun alright... until Chuck Norris showed up.

    *Chuck Norris invented the tooth fairy, as a way to compensate for round house kicking everybody to the face.

    *chuck norris once ate a bean supream and farted, the event is now known as the 1st nuclear bomb test.

    *chuck norris has clicked the unclickable button... twice

    *when girls have sex with god, they scream CHUCK NORRIS!!

    *Mr. T, Arnold Shcwarzzenger, and Chuck Norris are standing in front of God. God says to them,"I have call you three here because you are the greatest fighters in the world and I have a place for one of you at my right hand. You must prove to me whom of you it shall be." Mr. T steps and says "I pity the fool who doesn't let me sit at His right hand." God tells him that he was not good enough and sends Mr. T to hell. Arnold steps up and says "I was in predator, commando, the terminator. You must choose the governator." God tells him not good enough and sends Arnold to hell. God turns to Chuck Norris and say "Why should you sit beside me?" Chuck quickly proceeds to roundhouse kick God in the face and say "*****, your in my seat."

    *Chuck Norris was suppose to have a twin brother but he did not survive chucks nine months practice of floating rondhouse kicks.

    *Chuck Norris has had thousands of lovers, but none of them ever satisfied Chuck Norris. He realized that the only person who could ever satisfy Chuck Norris...was Chuck Norris.

    *everytime chuck norris has sex he has to fix the hole in the wall the next morning

    *chuck norris has never kicked anyone's ***, but the mear sight of him makes you kick your own ***


    *the continets didn't drift away from each other, they just found out that chuck norris was gunna be on america so they all ran away

    *chuck norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana

    Purty good...ur in the lead...
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 1:51 pm
    Cool beans
    - DarkicoN13 March 9, 2011, 2:14 pm
    not anymore, as much as i hate 2 say it
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 2:24 pm
    Nice while it lasted LOL
    - DarkicoN13 March 9, 2011, 2:25 pm
    Reply
  • 2

    Chuck Norris Kicked the earth once, it's still spinning.

    Chuck Norris's tears contain the cure for cancer, to bad he never cries.

    Theres no chin under Chuck Norris's beard, just another fist.

    Heard these b4. 1st place is still My friend who isn't on sharenator.
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 8:01 pm
    :( +1 for effort?
    - ZeekTehGeek March 9, 2011, 8:09 pm
    Ya. of course. +1 for effort. u can participate in rd 2 so have at it. think or find more Chuck Norris jokes
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 8:13 pm
    Reply
  • 2

    Chuck Norris got in a knife fight, the knife lost

    Heh. I chuckled. +1. u in lead rite now, but there might b some better 1s.
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 8:17 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    Don't joke about Chuck Norris... Or you will encounter a roundhouse kick through your skull.

    • Phul
    • March 9, 2011, 12:54 am
    Reply
  • 1

    Chuck Norris is a bitch oh wait someones here........oh shit!!! Round house to the face

    Reply
  • 1

    -Chuck Norris put the Pain in the word Pain.
    -In High school Chuck Norris took a midterm test and put "violence" as every one of his answers. Because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with violence.
    -Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the periodic table because he only believes in the element of surprise.
    -QUICK LOOK BEHIND YOU!.....Too late, by now you you would have been dead by now.

    eh ok...honorable mention
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 1:52 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father

    False. He doesnt have a father
    he went back in time and gave birth to himself.
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 1:49 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    chuck norris once went to the virgin islands.... now they are just called the islands.

    chuck norris put the word laughter in the word manslaughter.

    chuck norris once went down the street with a massive erection.... there were no survivors.

    haaaaa...best 1 ive heard so far...
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 1:48 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    Hey people , you guys r just wasting ur time here trying to win the best chuck norris joke competition.

    cos, sooner or later chuck norris himself s gonna be here and tell a chuck norris joke and win this, all hands down, he;ll get all the votes. all ur votes, power of chuck norris.

    • ck165
    • March 9, 2011, 10:26 am
    hey it's true...but i am afraid that is an invalid answer
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 1:48 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    Just heard one from my buddy Darren. He is in first place.
    If you have 5 bucks and Chuck has 5 bucks, Chuck has more money than you.
    And this one... Chuck Norris once pissed into the gasoline valve of a semi truck as a joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

    FUCK YOU i was going to post that one about the truck

    Super Man wears Chuck Norris pj's

    Chuck Norris was what Willes was talking about

    Chuck norris challenged Lance Armstrong to a who has more balls contest...Chuck Norris won by 5

    if you stare at the american flag long enough a 3d image of Chuck Norris appears

    the Matrix is a close up of Chuck Norris's beard

    Chuck Norris won a stareing contest against Madusa

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a guy so hard his foot went back in time a kicked Amelia Airheart in the face when she was flying over the Pacific
    - moelester March 9, 2011, 2:40 pm
    Haven't heard the medusa one b4. I was chuckling. Honorable mention.
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 8:04 pm
    i got another one...MR T once beat chuck norris at a thumb wrestling contest...in return chuck invented racism
    - moelester March 12, 2011, 5:50 pm
    lol! that 1s funny
    - mariofox03 March 15, 2011, 5:08 am
    Reply
  • 1

    You have until today at 11:00 at night to post a chuck norris joke for rd 2.

    Reply
  • 1

    Chuck norris can kill 2 stones with one bird

    Chuck norris one walked down the street with a massive erection, there were no survivors

    sorry for any repeats

    Reply
  • 1

    who went thru and downrated? ccmon pplz

    wat does that even mean? That isn't a chuck norris joke!
    - mariofox03 March 10, 2011, 4:06 pm
    Someone went and downrated a bunch of people on here. thats all
    - arrowdodger7 March 10, 2011, 4:32 pm
    Oh...ok.
    - mariofox03 March 10, 2011, 5:39 pm
    Oh...ok.
    - mariofox03 March 10, 2011, 5:39 pm
    I feel stupid now...
    - mariofox03 March 10, 2011, 5:40 pm
    haha its all good. maybe chuck went thru and dr'ed all the bad ones.
    - arrowdodger7 March 11, 2011, 1:34 am
    Reply
  • 1

    -Chuck Norris is the only person who can kick you in the back of the face
    -When Chuck Norris drinks milk, his bones don't get stronger. The milk does.
    -If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" it simply replies, "Run while you still can!"
    -Chuck Norris is so cool he can drink boiling water and piss ice cubes.
    -Did you guys hear that Chuck Norris got hit by a train? He was the only survivor.
    -Chuck Norris doesn't smell fear. Fear smells Chuck Norris.
    -Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
    -When Chuck was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" Chuck received an A+ for turning in a blank sheet with his name at the top.
    -The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
    -Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
    -Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
    -Chuck Norris beat the sun in a starring contest.
    -Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
    -Chuck Norris can ride a bike with no wheels.
    -Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs, Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
    -Superman owns a pair of Chuck pajamas.
    -Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
    -Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
    -Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
    -Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
    -Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
    -Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light not because he is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
    -Chuck Norris doesn't play "Hide-and-Seek" He plays "Search-and-Destroy."
    -Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
    -All men are created equal.... except Chuck Norris, he is better.
    -When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris.
    -When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
    -Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
    -Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
    -There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
    -When Chuck Norris farts, the weather changes.
    -M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
    I have like 50 moar...

    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! lol! u is in the lead!!!
    - mariofox03 March 10, 2011, 4:03 pm
    U es the winner of rd 2
    - mariofox03 March 11, 2011, 4:08 am
    Yaaaayy~
    - chaosmaster March 11, 2011, 8:33 am
    I need u 2 rate and post my newest post so ur joke can b judged by the ppl of sharenator. Go 2 newest unrated posts and look for Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes part 2. then rate and post plz.
    - mariofox03 March 11, 2011, 4:41 pm
    Couldn't find it x.x
    Just enjoy the facts.
    xD
    - chaosmaster March 11, 2011, 6:29 pm
    i want moar
    - ZeekTehGeek March 11, 2011, 6:38 pm
    Now look it up. It should be on the Home Page.
    - mariofox03 March 11, 2011, 6:53 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

    When Chuck Norris Falls into a river Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the river gets Chuck Norris.

    • Jecht
    • March 10, 2011, 11:55 pm
    Heard them b4
    - mariofox03 March 11, 2011, 4:08 am
    Reply
  • 1

    many a strongman can rip a phonebook in half with their bare hands, but chuck norris can rip many a strongman in half with his bare phonebooks

    I didn't get it
    - mariofox03 March 11, 2011, 4:09 am
    haha damn well how about..chuck norris can eat transformer cars and poop them out robots :P
    - Nightmare March 11, 2011, 6:00 am
    Ok...Ur in the lead, but only because no one else has posted yet.
    - mariofox03 March 11, 2011, 10:51 am
    haha ill take it anyway
    - Nightmare March 11, 2011, 8:01 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    Hurry! you only have 7 hours left b4 rd 3 ends!!!

    Reply
  • 1

    Change of plans, rd 3 ends sharply at 7 o' clock, so get ur last minute Chuck Norris Jokes in.

    Reply
  • 1

    U only have an hour and a half left!!! so hurry!!!

    Reply
  • 1

    Here is my contribution in 3rd round.


    1.when people are shocked.... they say ""oh my god", but when god is shocked he says "oh my chuck norris".
    2.superman and chuck had a fight....... the loser had to shame himselves by wearing his undie over his pants.
    3.if chuck gets into a road accident in a car, the car would need air bags to protect itself from chuck.
    4.If chuck ever got caught for speeding, he’d let the cops off with a warning.
    5.chuck runs until the treadmill gets tired
    6.shaq: I can spin the basketball on my finger for 2 hrs… can u..??

    chuck norrris: … How do u think the earth spins…??
    7. In an wild argument, chuck showed his middle finger to his Girlfriend and said fuck u....n she got pregnant !!!
    8.Once chuck was caught on the highway for over speeding… while he was walking…
    9.chuck once wrote his autobiography. Today that book is known as “Guiness book of world RECORDS

    • ck165
    • March 11, 2011, 3:12 pm
    OMG! U is in the lead. I'm deciding btween the 9th and 8th one.
    - mariofox03 March 11, 2011, 3:23 pm
    u won rd 3. Wait like 10 minutes and then look up Funniest Chuck Norris Joke Part 2.
    - mariofox03 March 11, 2011, 3:24 pm
    I WON?? wow...... sleeplessness has finally paid off.....!!! B)
    - ck165 March 11, 2011, 3:27 pm
    Ok...u can now look up Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes part 2.
    - mariofox03 March 11, 2011, 3:47 pm
    Look up Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes part 2 and post on it to get it on the top board so ppl can vote.
    - mariofox03 March 11, 2011, 4:37 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    Your mom told me last night that chuck norris was so stiff, when they had sex cum came out of her mouth

    Reply
  • 0

    chuck norris couldnt shave his beard cos evrytime he tried to shave the powersaw got broken.

    • ck165
    • March 9, 2011, 3:41 pm
    Ha! Honorable mention. That's like 3rd place.
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 8:05 pm
    Reply
  • 0

    chuck norris doesnt do push ups he does earth downs

    once chuck norris walked into burger king and asked for a happy meal and they gave it to him

    chuck norris eats coal and shits diamonds

    ozzy osborne bit a bats head off and chuck norris bit batmans head off

    when chuck norris ate beans and farted al gore blamed him for global warming, thats why he lost the presidential election

    chuck norris wipes his ass with superman's cape

    ...and chuck norris said let there be light

    Haven't heard these one's b4. I chuckled. Honorable mention.
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 8:07 pm
    Reply
  • 0

    Chuck Norris doesn't use a condom, because there is no protection from Chuck Norris

    U is ok. Ive heard that 1 b4
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 8:06 pm
    Reply
  • 0

    I would laugh at these if they werent all true. The only joke i need is Im not gonna kick all your guys asses. ahaha that is the funniest joke ever.

    fuk u!!!
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 8:02 pm
    Reply
  • 0

    Chuck norris is just a man. i am a man. therfore i am chuck norris.

    Just for that...OMG! LOOK OUT! CHUCK IS COMIN THROUGH THE COMPUTER
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 8:00 pm
    Reply
  • 0

    Round 2...you have till 11:00 pm tomorrow, srry 4 any confusion.

    Reply
  • -2

    Chuck Norris wipes his ass with fiery astroids, after he shits on dinosaur bones and calls them a bunch of pussies.

    um...ok?
    - mariofox03 March 9, 2011, 1:47 pm
    Reply
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