England

Just to clarify, this is a joke.



Picture it now, rolling hillsides covered in an ethereal haze, with vast forests painted the deepest of greens. This is England.

English Countryside


Is this not the epitome of near indescribable beauty? Is this not the land of awesome? England, to put it simply, is a concentrated dose of mind-boggling intensity that no country can parallel.

beckham - england


You see this man? This, sir or madam, is David Beckham. He is England's modern man. Just look at that steely one thousand-yard stare, or the definition of his rugged jawline. If he asked to sleep with your wife, you would say yes.

nelson - england


And who's this lad, I hear you ask. This, is Lord Admiral Horatio Viscount Nelson I. With a name like that, it's no wonder that he was raking in the gash. It was even said that if women went within a 300 yard radius of him, they risked pregnancy. That is potency.

dictionary - england


There's also the small matter of the English language. Yeah, the one which 27% of the world posses the ability to speak. What's that America? Sorry I can't understand you? Yes, you don't have you're own language and, sadly, you have degraded ours. But that's ok, because we still have words like 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious', 'floccinaucinihilipilification' and 'antidisestablishmentarianism'. Suck on that.

football - england


Ah, yes, football. Not soccer. Football. The greatest game ever invented in the history of the world - fact. Now, while some may choose to contest this, calling it a game for 'sissies', in it's earlier years, to play football was to risk one's life. Pitches spanned entire cities and people would be crushed in the melee as hundreds of people on either team competed to win. But what about America's past time, that of 'baseball'? Yeah, we invented that too.

Bayeux Tapestry


Now for the matter of history. In England's span of existence, lasting over 2,000 years, it has seen the rise and fall of many an empire, and yet it has been invaded... four times. We, on the other hand, have invaded in excess of 200 countries. The remnants of our once dominant empire can still be seen today, with countries such as New Zealand, Australia and even Canada still recognising our queen as their own.

queen - england


To conclude, England is the superlative form of all countries. We not only took part in history, but we made it, continuing to do so. And, we generalised tea. FUCK YEAH!

You might be interested

Comments

Reply Attach
  • 11

    This is me describing England in one word. Rain

    True that....
    But since I live in the area of Germany with the most rain I wouldn't mind :D
    - Curuba June 1, 2011, 12:17 am
    Here in The Netherlands too lol
    - Naugron June 1, 2011, 5:43 am
    this might be relevant...
    - JonnymusPrime June 2, 2011, 7:48 am
    Reply
  • 9

    this is david beckham

    lold hard
    - GinjaNinja May 31, 2011, 3:12 pm
    I lold at the fact that Lord Admiral Horatio Viscount Nelson I looks like a dictionary
    - MalverdeAl100 May 31, 2011, 3:15 pm
    English language is hot Asians playing football.
    - GinjaNinja May 31, 2011, 3:17 pm
    Lol
    - MalverdeAl100 May 31, 2011, 3:17 pm
    Ha, when I checked the post I saw that. I was hoping no one would pick up on it...
    - Clarkie101 June 1, 2011, 3:04 am
    Reply
  • 2

    I can understand a love for ones country but you are just bragging. lets see you put in some negatives to your precious country.

    - Clarkie101 May 31, 2011, 10:32 am
    dont extend this argument to the whole of the British isles. this guy is english and self righteous so lets just hate the english in this post or i will be forced to post more pictures like the one below
    ?w=600&h=529
    - eman94 May 31, 2011, 11:54 am
    But my teeth are fine... :'(
    - SuDoku May 31, 2011, 1:40 pm
    The NHS sorted mine out with braces. For free I might add :P
    - GinjaNinja May 31, 2011, 3:03 pm
    I didn't even need braces. I'm known to have, and I quote, 'annoyingly straight teeth' :P
    - SuDoku May 31, 2011, 3:05 pm
    :D same here high five! (though without the annoyingly straight part but still never need them)
    - 24paperwings May 31, 2011, 5:22 pm
    Sweet! *returns high five*

    Yeah a lot of people I know have needed braces and my brother and sister were gonna have them but chose not to get them. I'm quite proud of my teeth :D
    - SuDoku June 1, 2011, 12:05 am
    Lol wtf !? Apparently someone on here has really bad teeth and is jealous of yours


    - MalverdeAl100 June 1, 2011, 8:25 am
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

    That's hilarious :')
    - SuDoku June 1, 2011, 8:28 am
    That made me lol. My teeth are straight too, lucky me since some of my friends aren't. But I also +1ed your comments XD Silly downraters, and MalverdeAl100 awesomely spotted that xD
    - DarkHunter June 2, 2011, 3:05 pm
    Reply
  • 2

    whys everyone gotta be so mad. The guys just proud to be English as am I. You want to be proud of your country that's fine too.

    Yeah i'm not mad i mean England is pretty cool... almost as cool as Mexico
    - MalverdeAl100 May 31, 2011, 3:05 pm
    almost dammit almost

    - GinjaNinja May 31, 2011, 3:11 pm
    - MalverdeAl100 May 31, 2011, 3:13 pm
    Reply
  • 2

    england is indeed a great country but there is no reason to insult america when posting this. America has influences from many countries aside from england hence the changes made in the languages. Accents from other languages and areas tend to do that. I do agree that there is stunning beauty in england and hopefully it stays that way but there is also beauty in america and around the world
    3969259185 ded409102e - england

    yellowstone falls


    now as for Lord Admiral Horatio Viscount Nelson I ummmm why bring him up at all? He was indeed a figure head during the napoleonic wars but he is no longer an issue now. It's fine to point out you have a rich history but many other countries also have that. take this guy
    george washington

    I'm sure you know who he is because he was the one who lead a bunch of farmers with zero military experience against the most powerful empire in the world and kick them out of a now great country.

    now england has indeed been a part of nearly all the worlds history and i hope that it is for a very long time. but don't forget that among the good that they have caused they have also contributed many bad things to this world. among them oppression slavery and many many other things. so let's not forget that.

    now on to the least important issue which you seem to think utterly defines your nation. football. now I am american and i particularly enjoy watching football myself when i can. but i will never say that it is the toughest sport around and is certainly not my favorite. now based on your argument you seem to think it's the greatest sport in the world which i don't agree with in recent years.
    mainly due to crap like this which is running rampant through out the sport


    a real man doesn't bitch about every little bump he gets (or in some of these cases don't get). simple as that. now i do say there are some great amazing players who do take the sport seriously but when this crap is happening all the time well you can see the argument about about them being prissy little bitches coming to light. i do like the sport but this is ridiculous. no baseball, football (american), hockey, or boxer does that crap so why should they? (note these sports are NOT examples of american sports just a list of sports that don't have crybaby bitches through out them). DO NOT get me wrong here i still love the sport but this crap makes it very hard to defend liking it sometimes. also if your going to say how great football is don't use a picture of Asian girls playing the sport use a real picture or better yet a video of highlights or something. don't degrade your argument by posting that just to try and use it to influence the guys with it.
    oh and lets not forget this one great moment in sports history >:)

    (sorry it's in spanish but it had the best quality)

    also along the lines of football david beckham= pussy bitch who i would fucking destroy before letting him touch a girl i was dating.

    now as for that argument about soccer being dangerous. yes it is but it is an inherent risk that comes with the sport. these risks are not as great as those in contact sports but they are there and i will not contest that. but in other sports the risks are much higher hence the extra precautions. we won't allow people to go around paralyzed for the rest of their lives when it was possible to prevent it.

    so next time don't describe england as the greatest country ever.it has it's flaws just like all the other countries of this world. now if you'll excuse me i have to go watch the bruins destroy the canucks later. good day to you sir.

    p.s i apologies if this does seem mean but there it is not necessary to insult another country while saying you are proud of your own. just state your pride and move on otherwise people will rush in to defend the places they know and are proud to be a part of aka US citizens.

    It wasn't meant as a snipe, it was just a joke.
    - Clarkie101 June 1, 2011, 6:53 am
    ok then ill take this down if you wish
    - 24paperwings June 1, 2011, 7:16 am
    No, by all means keep it up.
    I was trying to make the post as tongue in cheek as possible.
    - Clarkie101 June 1, 2011, 7:32 am
    alright then it's hard to tell sometimes like this it looked more to me as a cheap shot
    - 24paperwings June 1, 2011, 7:48 am
    - Clarkie101 June 1, 2011, 7:59 am
    ohhhh k now i just feel stupid lmao
    - 24paperwings June 1, 2011, 8:03 am
    Reply
  • 2

    Fuck you america!

    fuck yea, we got the best army

    • BEASTY
    • June 1, 2011, 8:46 am
    ha now there is a joke. bar none the most powerful armed forces in the world in the US.
    - johnecash June 2, 2011, 6:49 am
    or the Swedish, they are a scary lot, they have a fucking stealth battleship
    - BEASTY June 2, 2011, 7:58 am
    i assume you don't know your history. WWII showcased how worthless battleships are.
    - johnecash June 2, 2011, 9:22 am


    i dont know about you, but a ship which cannot be detected
    seems like a pretty useful asset, now think a ship which cannot be seen loaded with missiles and covered in guns, scared shitless, yes as at night it could be behind you and you wouldnt know, untill you are taken of guard and have torpedo's firing up your ass
    - BEASTY June 2, 2011, 11:47 am
    yep we call them subs. surface ships you call bomb magnets
    - johnecash June 2, 2011, 3:28 pm
    well, put it this way, subs once found are fucked, fucked in the ass with a rubber duck, a ship is faster and more than likely has more weapons than just torpedo's
    and i know what i would rather live on, a sub is a coffin only underwater
    - BEASTY June 2, 2011, 4:31 pm
    yet sub beats ship 95 times out of 100
    - johnecash June 2, 2011, 5:42 pm
    well, we can both agree, they are both pretty intimidating...

    - BEASTY June 2, 2011, 5:50 pm
    well either way they are both badass

    +(1).jpg
    - BEASTY June 2, 2011, 5:53 pm
    Reply
  • 2

    Remember the American Revolution? Yeah....

    Remember when we colonised and civilised those wild and seemingly untameable lands? Oh yeah...
    - Clarkie101 June 1, 2011, 12:32 pm
    yes i do remember people who wanted to leave england and europe. those who left and never looked back.
    - johnecash June 2, 2011, 6:50 am
    Reply
  • 2

    I don't see what everyone's getting all upset about. I'm American and I lol'd

    Reply
  • 1

    Opium Wars, loss of entire empire, colonizing unknown lands, american football actually being interesting, rather than going 90 minutes of a scoreless game, revolutionized a language to practically being our own,The Viscount Nelson was shot and killed after he lost a battle, pit Beckham against Ray Lewis(for sports) or, persay, Tom Cruise, for looks. Also, my trump card(s): Clint Eastwood, Chuck Norris.

    Spelling colour wrong is hardly revolutionising
    - GinjaNinja May 31, 2011, 3:06 pm
    The USA mainly took great things from other countries and turned them into something bad (e.g. language, beer, pizza, fries and what you claim to be whiskey).
    But apart from that I love the USA :)
    - Curuba June 1, 2011, 12:16 am
    lol'd @ GinjaNinja taking a spelling mistake out of all that to attack. Fail troll is fail. And I do agree with Curuba on most of that, most of what we have changed is bad, but, that's why we have an international trade system. :P
    - EDman123 June 1, 2011, 5:30 am
    I'd say more like win troll is win.
    - DarkHunter June 2, 2011, 3:07 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    I must have forgotten that female British football players look Asian. My bad.

    Oh, and about the language thing? You guys are the ones who's accent degraded. I'm not being mean, it literally degraded from a linguistic perspective. You see, British accents used to sound a lot like many American accents do now. You guys changed, not us. Don't believe me? Research it, the findings are out there.

    • Ertrov
    • May 31, 2011, 2:44 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    Please take Baseball back. It's almost as boring as soccer.

    I agree. Hockey has now surpassed baseball as my 3rd favorite sport to watch.
    - Jjbigscreeners June 1, 2011, 4:52 am
    Reply
  • 1

    images 1 USA vs Europe s197x256 82573 580


    Seriously though enough with this shit man.
    Yes England has beautiful land, so does America. Ever heard of the Grand Canyon?
    You mean England has a sports star??? Whoop-di-fuckin-doo so does almost any other country.
    I don't even know what to say about the old guy, that is just ridiculous.
    Really? You're going to bash America because of English? Last time I checked you can understand us perfectly fine (I sure hope you can read this)
    And as far as "Football" or Soccer is concerned as being tough
    -

    REALLY tough guys
    Yes England's military has been very influential throughout history, nearly anyone who has been through school knows that.
    But seriously It's perfectly fine to be proud of your country, but don't be an ass and bash another country to make your country seem better.
    /endrant

    The guy said it was meant to be a joke, lol i certainly took it as one
    - MalverdeAl100 June 1, 2011, 10:06 am
    Also I just noticed the above conversation between you and 24PaperWings
    I took this seriously as well, if it was a joke then by all means sorry.
    - imfrikknbad June 1, 2011, 10:07 am
    Reply
  • 1

    What's the difference between the United States and England? Oh yeah... The Irish aren't right next door to the US. ^^

    • Dawn
    • June 2, 2011, 7:29 am
    Reply
  • 0

    CANADA AND HOCKEY BEATS ALL

    Reply
  • 0

    btw soccer is a british term XD

    • Mizuno
    • August 1, 2012, 2:48 pm
    Reply
Related Posts