England
Just to clarify, this is a joke.
Picture it now, rolling hillsides covered in an ethereal haze, with vast forests painted the deepest of greens. This is England.
Is this not the epitome of near indescribable beauty? Is this not the land of awesome? England, to put it simply, is a concentrated dose of mind-boggling intensity that no country can parallel.
You see this man? This, sir or madam, is David Beckham. He is England's modern man. Just look at that steely one thousand-yard stare, or the definition of his rugged jawline. If he asked to sleep with your wife, you would say yes.
And who's this lad, I hear you ask. This, is Lord Admiral Horatio Viscount Nelson I. With a name like that, it's no wonder that he was raking in the gash. It was even said that if women went within a 300 yard radius of him, they risked pregnancy. That is potency.
There's also the small matter of the English language. Yeah, the one which 27% of the world posses the ability to speak. What's that America? Sorry I can't understand you? Yes, you don't have you're own language and, sadly, you have degraded ours. But that's ok, because we still have words like 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious', 'floccinaucinihilipilification' and 'antidisestablishmentarianism'. Suck on that.
Ah, yes, football. Not soccer. Football. The greatest game ever invented in the history of the world - fact. Now, while some may choose to contest this, calling it a game for 'sissies', in it's earlier years, to play football was to risk one's life. Pitches spanned entire cities and people would be crushed in the melee as hundreds of people on either team competed to win. But what about America's past time, that of 'baseball'? Yeah, we invented that too.
Now for the matter of history. In England's span of existence, lasting over 2,000 years, it has seen the rise and fall of many an empire, and yet it has been invaded... four times. We, on the other hand, have invaded in excess of 200 countries. The remnants of our once dominant empire can still be seen today, with countries such as New Zealand, Australia and even Canada still recognising our queen as their own.
To conclude, England is the superlative form of all countries. We not only took part in history, but we made it, continuing to do so. And, we generalised tea. FUCK YEAH!
Picture it now, rolling hillsides covered in an ethereal haze, with vast forests painted the deepest of greens. This is England.
View: 640x480
Is this not the epitome of near indescribable beauty? Is this not the land of awesome? England, to put it simply, is a concentrated dose of mind-boggling intensity that no country can parallel.
You see this man? This, sir or madam, is David Beckham. He is England's modern man. Just look at that steely one thousand-yard stare, or the definition of his rugged jawline. If he asked to sleep with your wife, you would say yes.
And who's this lad, I hear you ask. This, is Lord Admiral Horatio Viscount Nelson I. With a name like that, it's no wonder that he was raking in the gash. It was even said that if women went within a 300 yard radius of him, they risked pregnancy. That is potency.
There's also the small matter of the English language. Yeah, the one which 27% of the world posses the ability to speak. What's that America? Sorry I can't understand you? Yes, you don't have you're own language and, sadly, you have degraded ours. But that's ok, because we still have words like 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious', 'floccinaucinihilipilification' and 'antidisestablishmentarianism'. Suck on that.
Ah, yes, football. Not soccer. Football. The greatest game ever invented in the history of the world - fact. Now, while some may choose to contest this, calling it a game for 'sissies', in it's earlier years, to play football was to risk one's life. Pitches spanned entire cities and people would be crushed in the melee as hundreds of people on either team competed to win. But what about America's past time, that of 'baseball'? Yeah, we invented that too.
Now for the matter of history. In England's span of existence, lasting over 2,000 years, it has seen the rise and fall of many an empire, and yet it has been invaded... four times. We, on the other hand, have invaded in excess of 200 countries. The remnants of our once dominant empire can still be seen today, with countries such as New Zealand, Australia and even Canada still recognising our queen as their own.
To conclude, England is the superlative form of all countries. We not only took part in history, but we made it, continuing to do so. And, we generalised tea. FUCK YEAH!
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Posted: 2011-05-31 09:47:55
Psst.
Responses (59) / Sorted by points
I lold at the fact that Lord Admiral Horatio Viscount Nelson I looks like a dictionary
English language is hot Asians playing football.
Ha, when I checked the post I saw that. I was hoping no one would pick up on it...
The NHS sorted mine out with braces. For free I might add :P
:D same here high five! (though without the annoyingly straight part but still never need them)
That made me lol. My teeth are straight too, lucky me since some of my friends aren't. But I also +1ed your comments XD Silly downraters, and MalverdeAl100 awesomely spotted that xD
Posted: 2011-06-02 15:05:47 Report
whys everyone gotta be so mad. The guys just proud to be English as am I. You want to be proud of your country that's fine too.
Yeah i'm not mad i mean England is pretty cool... almost as cool as Mexico
Remember the American Revolution? Yeah....
Remember when we colonised and civilised those wild and seemingly untameable lands? Oh yeah...
I don't see what everyone's getting all upset about. I'm American and I lol'd
Opium Wars, loss of entire empire, colonizing unknown lands, american football actually being interesting, rather than going 90 minutes of a scoreless game, revolutionized a language to practically being our own,The Viscount Nelson was shot and killed after he lost a battle, pit Beckham against Ray Lewis(for sports) or, persay, Tom Cruise, for looks. Also, my trump card(s): Clint Eastwood, Chuck Norris.
Spelling colour wrong is hardly revolutionising
I must have forgotten that female British football players look Asian. My bad.
Oh, and about the language thing? You guys are the ones who's accent degraded. I'm not being mean, it literally degraded from a linguistic perspective. You see, British accents used to sound a lot like many American accents do now. You guys changed, not us. Don't believe me? Research it, the findings are out there.
Oh, and about the language thing? You guys are the ones who's accent degraded. I'm not being mean, it literally degraded from a linguistic perspective. You see, British accents used to sound a lot like many American accents do now. You guys changed, not us. Don't believe me? Research it, the findings are out there.
I agree. Hockey has now surpassed baseball as my 3rd favorite sport to watch.
i dont know about you, but a ship which cannot be detected
seems like a pretty useful asset, now think a ship which cannot be seen loaded with missiles and covered in guns, scared shitless, yes as at night it could be behind you and you wouldnt know, untill you are taken of guard and have torpedo's firing up your ass
Seriously though enough with this shit man.
Yes England has beautiful land, so does America. Ever heard of the Grand Canyon?
You mean England has a sports star??? Whoop-di-fuckin-doo so does almost any other country.
I don't even know what to say about the old guy, that is just ridiculous.
Really? You're going to bash America because of English? Last time I checked you can understand us perfectly fine (I sure hope you can read this)
And as far as "Football" or Soccer is concerned as being tough
-
REALLY tough guys
Yes England's military has been very influential throughout history, nearly anyone who has been through school knows that.
But seriously It's perfectly fine to be proud of your country, but don't be an ass and bash another country to make your country seem better.
/endrant
The guy said it was meant to be a joke, lol i certainly took it as one
Also I just noticed the above conversation between you and 24PaperWings
I took this seriously as well, if it was a joke then by all means sorry.
I took this seriously as well, if it was a joke then by all means sorry.
england is indeed a great country but there is no reason to insult america when posting this. America has influences from many countries aside from england hence the changes made in the languages. Accents from other languages and areas tend to do that. I do agree that there is stunning beauty in england and hopefully it stays that way but there is also beauty in america and around the world
now as for Lord Admiral Horatio Viscount Nelson I ummmm why bring him up at all? He was indeed a figure head during the napoleonic wars but he is no longer an issue now. It's fine to point out you have a rich history but many other countries also have that. take this guy
I'm sure you know who he is because he was the one who lead a bunch of farmers with zero military experience against the most powerful empire in the world and kick them out of a now great country.
now england has indeed been a part of nearly all the worlds history and i hope that it is for a very long time. but don't forget that among the good that they have caused they have also contributed many bad things to this world. among them oppression slavery and many many other things. so let's not forget that.
now on to the least important issue which you seem to think utterly defines your nation. football. now I am american and i particularly enjoy watching football myself when i can. but i will never say that it is the toughest sport around and is certainly not my favorite. now based on your argument you seem to think it's the greatest sport in the world which i don't agree with in recent years.
mainly due to crap like this which is running rampant through out the sport
a real man doesn't bitch about every little bump he gets (or in some of these cases don't get). simple as that. now i do say there are some great amazing players who do take the sport seriously but when this crap is happening all the time well you can see the argument about about them being prissy little bitches coming to light. i do like the sport but this is ridiculous. no baseball, football (american), hockey, or boxer does that crap so why should they? (note these sports are NOT examples of american sports just a list of sports that don't have crybaby bitches through out them). DO NOT get me wrong here i still love the sport but this crap makes it very hard to defend liking it sometimes. also if your going to say how great football is don't use a picture of Asian girls playing the sport use a real picture or better yet a video of highlights or something. don't degrade your argument by posting that just to try and use it to influence the guys with it.
oh and lets not forget this one great moment in sports history >:)
(sorry it's in spanish but it had the best quality)
also along the lines of football david beckham= pussy bitch who i would fucking destroy before letting him touch a girl i was dating.
now as for that argument about soccer being dangerous. yes it is but it is an inherent risk that comes with the sport. these risks are not as great as those in contact sports but they are there and i will not contest that. but in other sports the risks are much higher hence the extra precautions. we won't allow people to go around paralyzed for the rest of their lives when it was possible to prevent it.
so next time don't describe england as the greatest country ever.it has it's flaws just like all the other countries of this world. now if you'll excuse me i have to go watch the bruins destroy the canucks later. good day to you sir.
p.s i apologies if this does seem mean but there it is not necessary to insult another country while saying you are proud of your own. just state your pride and move on otherwise people will rush in to defend the places they know and are proud to be a part of aka US citizens.
View: 1046x1044
now as for Lord Admiral Horatio Viscount Nelson I ummmm why bring him up at all? He was indeed a figure head during the napoleonic wars but he is no longer an issue now. It's fine to point out you have a rich history but many other countries also have that. take this guy
View: 972x1184
I'm sure you know who he is because he was the one who lead a bunch of farmers with zero military experience against the most powerful empire in the world and kick them out of a now great country.
now england has indeed been a part of nearly all the worlds history and i hope that it is for a very long time. but don't forget that among the good that they have caused they have also contributed many bad things to this world. among them oppression slavery and many many other things. so let's not forget that.
now on to the least important issue which you seem to think utterly defines your nation. football. now I am american and i particularly enjoy watching football myself when i can. but i will never say that it is the toughest sport around and is certainly not my favorite. now based on your argument you seem to think it's the greatest sport in the world which i don't agree with in recent years.
mainly due to crap like this which is running rampant through out the sport
a real man doesn't bitch about every little bump he gets (or in some of these cases don't get). simple as that. now i do say there are some great amazing players who do take the sport seriously but when this crap is happening all the time well you can see the argument about about them being prissy little bitches coming to light. i do like the sport but this is ridiculous. no baseball, football (american), hockey, or boxer does that crap so why should they? (note these sports are NOT examples of american sports just a list of sports that don't have crybaby bitches through out them). DO NOT get me wrong here i still love the sport but this crap makes it very hard to defend liking it sometimes. also if your going to say how great football is don't use a picture of Asian girls playing the sport use a real picture or better yet a video of highlights or something. don't degrade your argument by posting that just to try and use it to influence the guys with it.
oh and lets not forget this one great moment in sports history >:)
(sorry it's in spanish but it had the best quality)
also along the lines of football david beckham= pussy bitch who i would fucking destroy before letting him touch a girl i was dating.
now as for that argument about soccer being dangerous. yes it is but it is an inherent risk that comes with the sport. these risks are not as great as those in contact sports but they are there and i will not contest that. but in other sports the risks are much higher hence the extra precautions. we won't allow people to go around paralyzed for the rest of their lives when it was possible to prevent it.
so next time don't describe england as the greatest country ever.it has it's flaws just like all the other countries of this world. now if you'll excuse me i have to go watch the bruins destroy the canucks later. good day to you sir.
p.s i apologies if this does seem mean but there it is not necessary to insult another country while saying you are proud of your own. just state your pride and move on otherwise people will rush in to defend the places they know and are proud to be a part of aka US citizens.
It wasn't meant as a snipe, it was just a joke.
ok then ill take this down if you wish
No, by all means keep it up.
I was trying to make the post as tongue in cheek as possible.
I was trying to make the post as tongue in cheek as possible.
alright then it's hard to tell sometimes like this it looked more to me as a cheap shot
