A lone, predatory cross-dresser has been cautioned for outraging public decency after having sex with a dog in the moat of an English Heritage castle, the Telegraph reports.
The incident at Henry VIII's Pendennis Castle, which overlooks Cornwall's Falmouth Bay, took place at "around a quarter to 12" on Saturday 10 July, when the attraction was "heaving with visitors".
A pair of dog-walking women spotted the 33-year-old tranvestite, who was sporting a black dress, strolling around the "steep-walled, empty moat".
One of their mutts ill-advisedly chased the deviant, and by the time the owner caught up, the man had engaged the pet in some hot heritage dry moating.
Staff intervened and restrained the perp until police turned up to administer a well-deserved cuffing. He was taken home, made a "full and frank confession", and was slapped with the caution.
A spokesman for English Heritage not unreasonably summarised: "This was a very rare incident."
But is it as rare as admitting to your vet that sex with your dog isn't as fulfilling as it used to be?
That's exactly what Florida resident Armand M Pacher did last week, when an Aventura clinic called him to reschedule eye surgery for his two-and-a-half year old Great Dane, provocatively named Christie Brinkley.
During the conversation with a surgery worker, Pacher allegedly said: "She doesn't seem to enjoy it as much when we have sex. Maybe it's because I haven't been as energetic lately and that's why she's not enjoying it."
When Pacher and Brinkley later went to the clinic, a vet "concluded that the spayed dog's body had evidence of forced sexual activity" which "could not have come from another dog".
Cue a swift arrest and a spell in a Miami-Dade prison on a rap which carries a possible five years in jail.
Pacher's attorney, Jeffrey Weiner, said his dog-loving client had not made the alleged statement, and claimed the worker had misunderstood a wisecrack.
He said: "I'm quite familiar with the evidence that exists, and I'm really disappointed that Aventura police would make an arrest based on unsupported evidence and conclusions. I expect my client will be fully vindicated."