[Contest] Jokes!

Just tell a joke. How easy?
Dont just read the first one! Read everyones!

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  • 28

    An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a beer. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

    The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

    1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
    2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
    3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
    4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
    5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

    'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

    The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

    • sowhat
    • April 16, 2009, 12:48 pm
    Reply
  • 24

    A man walks to a skyscraper, and takes the elevator to the 100th floor where the bar is located. He orders a martini, drinks it, then jumps out the window. 5 minutes later, he walks back into the bar, orders a martini, drinks it, then jumps out the window. 5 minutes later, he walks back into the bar, orders a martini, drinks it, but before he can jump out the window, a fellow patron at the bar says "Hold it! How do you do that? I've seen you jump out the 100th floor two times now! Thats just impossible!" The man then says, "Well it's quite simple. Science! When you drink a martini you're filled with hot air, so you just float safely down to the ground." The man at the bar says "Holy moly, really?" So he orders a martini, drinks it, jumps out the window, and goes splat on the sidewalk. The bartender says to the man, "You know superman, when you're drunk, you're really a jerk."

    • sowhat
    • April 16, 2009, 1:01 pm
    good one
    - mofosho August 23, 2010, 10:53 pm
    Reply
  • 19

    There's this man and he went to a chili cooking contest. He goes up to the counter and asks for a bowl of chili and the attendant says, "That man (pointing) just took the last bowl." So the man goes up to the guy with the bowl of chili and asks, "Hey can i have your chili if you don't finish it?" The guy agrees and about twenty minutes later he give the man a bowl full of chili. The man starts eating it and about halfway through he finds a rat in the bowl and throws up in the bowl. The guy that had bowl first comes back and says, "Yeah, that's about how far as I got too."

    Reply
  • 18

    Why men make better friends:

    A woman stays out all night and the next day tells her husband she stayed over a friend's house. Her husband calls around to ten of her friends and they know nothing about it.

    A man stays out all night and the next day tells his wife he stayed over a friend's house. She calls ten of his friends, eight confirm that he slept over, two claim that he's still there.

    • sowhat
    • April 16, 2009, 12:55 pm
    Reply
  • 18

    Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

    "OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

    His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

    Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

    • sowhat
    • April 16, 2009, 12:58 pm
    lolz lowest rated comment on the website lolz ur famous.... -1 for u
    - xxkisamexx December 31, 2010, 9:14 pm
    Reply
  • 15

    TA TA, DADDY
    One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
    The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
    The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
    The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
    Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
    Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

    THE STUPID TEACHER
    It was the first day of school, and the kindergarten teacher was standing in front of her class. She said to them, “Ok children, before we get started, I want to make sure none of you think you are dumb. Because none of you are. If you think you are stupid, please stand up.” She waited for a couple of minutes, but no one stood up. One boy stood up and the teacher asked, “Now Bobby, do you really think you are stupid?” Bobby answered, “Well, no ma’am. But I didn’t want
    you to be the only one standing.”

    • Kakuzu
    • May 26, 2009, 7:29 pm
    Reply
  • 15

    ok this lady is pregnant with triplets, and she gets mugged in an ally and gets shot 3 times, and a bullet hits each baby. but luckily someone finds her and takes her to a hospital, and she survives and the babies survive, so its all good. (dont ask me how they survived its a joke doesnt have to make sense like that) 13 years later, the triplets were 2 girls and 1 boy.
    one day, one of the daughters goes up to her mom and says mommy mommy, guess what, and the mom asks what, and the daughter says i peed out a bullet, and the mom says thats nice and tells her daughter the story of how she got shot.
    the next day, her other daughter comes up and says the same thing, and the mom responded the same way.
    then the son comes up and says mommy mommy guess what, and the mom goes, let me guess, u peed out a bullet, and the son replies, no i was jacking off and i shot the dog lmao

    Reply
  • 15

    Two muffins are sitting in an oven.
    One muffin says to the other, "Man it's hot in here!"
    The other muffin says, "AHHHHH!!! A talking muffin!"

    Reply
  • 14

    its christmas time , and a rich man is walking through an poor part of town
    as he walks down the street , a tramp stops him in the road
    the tramp asks the rich man
    "i see youve been shopping , bought anything for your wife?"
    rich man says "yes, in fact , i bought her a diamond ring and a new mercadez benz"
    tramps asks "why did you buy her them?"
    rich man says "because if she doesent like the diamond ring , she can have the merc"
    the tramp says "i bought stuff for my wife too! , i bought her some slippers and a dildo"
    the rich man asks "why did you buy her them?"
    the poor man goes " because if she doesent like the slippers she can go fuck herself!"

    Reply
  • 14

    A rich guy is driving down the street and sees some poor people eating grass. He asks the driver to stop so he can get out. "Why are you eating grass?" the rich man asks. "Because, Sir, we are poor and have no money for food," the poor man responds. The rich man says, "Well, you can come to my house and eat as much as you want!" "But sir, we have SIX children!" The rich man then says, "You can bring all of them too!" So after their all in the limo, the poor man says, "Thank you, Sir! You're so kind!" "Don't mension it," the rich man says, "my grass is almost a foot high anyway."

    Now now, I'm sure you know what he meant.
    - luminosity August 23, 2010, 6:35 pm
    ...Whoops. Please disregard that three-month-late comment.
    - luminosity August 23, 2010, 6:38 pm
    Reply
  • 14

    DID YOU KNOW...
    if you say 'Gullible' slowly, it sounds like 'GreenBeans'?

    • Kakuzu
    • June 20, 2009, 5:32 pm
    Reply
  • 14

    This week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning.

    I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday". I

    thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

    As I walked into my office, my secretary said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock and then she knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me". I said, "Thanks, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

    We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

    She said, "Let's go to my apartment".

    After arriving at her apartment she turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back". "OK", I nervously replied.

    She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and coworkers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

    And I just sat there...

    On the couch...

    Naked...

    Reply
  • 13

    three boys are riding down the road, one is called manners, one is called shit and the other ones called fuck off.
    All of a sudden shit veers into the road and gets ran over, manners goes to help him, while fuck off runs round the corner looking for help, as he turns the corner he runs into a policeman, the policeman says "whoah there! look where your going, now whats your name?" the boy says "fuck off!" so the policeman says "how dare you where are your manners?" the boy says "round the corner pickin up shit! lol

    Reply
  • 12

    An old man goes to his doctor. The doctor says "i got some bad news for you. you have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's." And the old man says "at least i don't have Cancer."

    • sowhat
    • April 16, 2009, 12:52 pm
    Reply
  • 11

    A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it? The man says, "I hate that shit". Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks". You don't understand said the man, Chunks is my dog.

    Reply
  • 11

    A young polar bear goes to his dad and says, "Hey, am I a polar bear?".

    His dad replies "Yeah you are, I'm a polar bear, your mother is a polar bear, we're all polar bears." The young polar bear walks off not feeling completely fulfilled so he asks his mother.

    "Am I a polar bear?"

    She replies, "Yeah sure you are, I'm a polar bear, your dad is a polar bear, we all are." he still isn't sure, so he asks his grandad.

    "Am I a polar bear?"

    He answers "Sure you are, I'm a polar bear, your parents are polar bears. Why do you ask?"

    "Because I am fucking freezing!" he replies.

    Reply
  • 11

    A ghost expert is giving a presentation to a college in Alabama. At the end of the presentation he asks the class, "has anyone ever felt the presence of a ghost?" And most the class raised they're hands.
    So he proceeds to ask them, "has anyone seen a ghost before?" Only a few people raise they're hands now.
    So the man ask a final question to the class with a chuckle,"has anyone ever had sex with a ghost?" And to his and the classes surprise a single hand was up. So the man asked him to come to the front and said,"in all my years of study I've never heard of anyone ever having sex with a ghost, what was it like?"
    The man replied, "ghost? I thought you were saying goats..."

    Reply
  • 10

    An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

    At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

    "You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

    The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

    "Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."

    The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

    "Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"

    The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

    Then he quietly explained;

    "Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to."

    • Math
    • October 29, 2009, 5:56 am
    Reply
  • 9

    theres this little girl at a pet shop and she says can i get a wittle wabbit
    and the man says eould u like a brown wittle wabbit or a black wittle wabbit
    and the little girl says i dont think my snake really gives a thit

    • imcool
    • May 6, 2009, 10:27 pm
    Reply
  • 8

    What do women and hurricanes have in common?

    When they come, it's wet and it's wild; when they leave, they take the house and the car!!!

    Reply
  • 8

    A young man go's into a bar; There sits an angry Scottsman pounding down pints. The young man sits down, orders a pint and as he gets his first sip, the scott Yells out; Laddy, ya see that church across the street? Ah built it, Ya think they call me Mactavish the church builer? Nooooo! and He pounds down another pint and yells, Laddy, ya see that house next to the church? Ah built that! Ya think they call me Mactavish the house builder? Noooo! and He pounds down another pint and yells LADDY! ya see that school next to the house there? Ah built that school! Ya think they call me Mactavish the school builder? NOOOOOOO!
    But ya hump ONE GOAT........

    • hrm1956
    • September 24, 2009, 11:39 pm
    Reply
  • 8

    A motorist stopped at a country ford and asked an Irishman sitting nearby how deep the water was. "A couple of inches." replied the Irishman.

    So the motorist drove into the ford and his car promptly disappeared beneath the surface in a cauldron of bubbles.

    "That's odd" thought the Irishman. "The water only goes halfway up on them ducks."

    • Math
    • October 8, 2009, 3:29 pm
    Reply
  • 8

    One day as a farmer is out tending to his animals an Alien space craft lands in his field. The alien comes out carrying two big bags of money. He says to the farmer "I would like to buy all your Cattle for $10,000. The farmer agrees and the alien pulls a tiny Cow from his pocket it and it runs around and eats all the Cattle. Then the alien says to the farmer "I would like to buy all your pigs for $5,000. The farmer agrees again and the alien pulls out a tiny pig and it runs around and eats all the pigs. The farmer then gets really excited and asks the alien, "How would you like to earn all your money back?" A little confused the alien asks the farmer what he wants from him. The farmer replies, "You don't happen to have a tiny little black man on you, do you?"

    If you can laugh at one group of people you should be able to laugh at them all :D
    - imfrikknbad August 23, 2010, 7:05 pm
    Reply
  • 7

    A man's daughter is about to marry a guy he does not trust. He decides to test his future son in law. He invites him over to his house. When the guy arrives he sees his furture bride's younger sister standing there wearing next to nothing, the girl says "do you want to come up stairs and have your way with me?", he thinks for a minute then runs out the front door. Standing on the porch was his future father in law, he say "My boy you have pasted the test, you may marry my daughter" moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in your car!



    A man wishes to become a monk so he joins a monastery. The monastery has a strict code of silence, the monks are only allowed to speak two words every seven years. After the first seven years the elders ask the man what his two words are, the man says "bad food". After the next seven years the elders ask the man for his two words, the man says "cold floors". Seven more years pass and the elders once again ask the man for his two words, the man says "I quit". The elders look at the man and say "It's about time, all you have done is complain since you got here"

    Reply
  • 7

    Heard an expert on the radio today predicting that soon computers will replace paper altogether. Twat has obviously never tried to wipe his arse with a laptop then.

    • Math
    • October 8, 2009, 3:32 pm
    Reply
  • 7

    LOL! Check out the corn maze for blondes!
    tumblr krusr7dinX1qzxzwwo1 500

    Reply
  • 6

    A hypochondriac was complaining to his doctor that he was suffering from a fatal liver disease. 'Impossible' the doctor said. 'You wouldn't be able to tell. With that disease there's no pain and you feel perfectly fine.'
    And the patient said, 'but those are exactly my symptoms!'

    A burglar went to prison for robbing a bank but he refused to tell the police where he'd hid the money.
    A week later his wife wrote to him saying that she needed to plant the potatoes but now that he's in jail he can't dig up the garden and she would have to do it herself.
    He wrote back to her saying, 'don't touch the back garden, that's where i buried the loot!'
    A week after that he got another letter from his wife saying, 'you'll never believe it-yesterday 30 policemen came round and dug up the entire back garden!'
    And he wrote back 'now plant the potatoes!'

    I've been teaching my dog to beg...last night he came home with 40p.

    Child: Mum, come quickly dad's waded out to sea and now he's up to his ankles.
    Mother: That's not very dangerous.
    Child: It is when he's upside down!

    • jokin
    • June 6, 2009, 1:05 pm
    Reply
  • 6

    A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.

    The husband said I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer.

    The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer.

    The husband replied" Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.

    Reply
  • 6

    How many babies does it take to paint the side of a barn?

    ...Depends on how hard you throw them.

    • Zink
    • September 21, 2009, 12:53 pm
    Reply
  • 6

    Three women died. One blonde, one brunette, and one red-head. When they get to the gates of heaven, St. Peter asks the brunette, "Who was the first man on earth?" Without hesitation, the brunette confidently replies, "Oh, that's easy. Adam." The bells ring, the gates open, and the brunette goes through. St. Peter then asks the red-head, "Who was the first woman on earth?" Without hesitation, she replied, "Eve!" The bells ring, the gate opens, and the red-head goes through. Finally the blonde comes up. St. Peter asks her, "What was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?" The blonde was hesitant and didn't reply, she was thinking as hard as she could. St. Peter asked again, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The blonde thought for a little longer and finally she gave up on trying to find an anwer and said, "Boy, that's a hard one." The bells rang, the gates opened, and the blonde was able to go through.

    Reply
  • 6

    The president must've been Bush.

    Reply
  • 6

    A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
    As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
    While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
    "No!" she shrieked, aghast.
    So, he dropped her.
    As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
    "Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
    He dropped her, too.
    The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
    "Slut!" he said, and dropped her.

    • Math
    • October 8, 2009, 2:20 pm
    Reply
  • 6

    I absolutely hate terrorism.
    Gone are the days when you would see an unattended bag on a bus or train and think, 'I'm fucking having that!'...

    • Math
    • October 8, 2009, 2:30 pm
    Reply
  • 6

    During an IRS audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed...

    ... "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

    "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

    The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

    Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

    The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

    Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

    The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

    Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

    "Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

    The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

    Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, and urinates all over the desk.

    The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

    "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

    "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

    • Math
    • November 12, 2009, 5:31 am
    I know I'm a bit late, but...

    - luminosity August 23, 2010, 7:11 pm
    Reply
  • 5

    there were 3 gay guys sitting in a bar... the 1st one lets out a massive fart... shortly after the 2nd does the same.... the 3rd guy lets out a small peep of a fart... the other 2 guys turn around and yell WE GOT US A VIRGIN!

    Reply
  • 5

    3 friends get trapped on a desert island, they find a magic lamp with a genie in it, the genie grants each of them one wish, the first one says "i wish i was back home" so the genie clicks his fingers and off the man goes, the second person wishes for the same and the same thing happens, the genie asks the third and last person what he wants, the man says "im lonely, i wish my friends were back here with me!" LOL

    Reply
  • 5

    a kid had to take a drug test. he knew he was going to fail so he filled up a cup with gatorade. The next day the school calls him in to the office an administrator tells him that hes in trouble for using gatorade. the kid says you cant prove that.admin says yea we can because instead of using yellow you used blue.

    roosterteeth drug test lol
    - ThatAsian January 31, 2012, 12:38 am
    Reply
  • 5

    I just finished setting up my new internet connection, and got a message on my screen saying, 'Congratulations, you are now connected! If you are using O2 Broadband for the first time, now is the time to get online and enjoy all that speed.'

    Fair enough they know I can get online, but how the fuck did they find out about my secret stash of amphetamines?

    • Math
    • October 8, 2009, 2:18 pm
    Reply
  • 5

    A husband tries his luck with his wife but she says "Sorry darling but I have an appointment tomorrow with my gynaecologist and I want to stay fresh."

    The husband rolls over and thinks about this for a while then whispers "Do you have a dentist’s appointment tomorrow?"

    • Math
    • October 8, 2009, 2:20 pm
    Reply
  • 4

    A Mexican, A Jew, and a Black guy walk into a bar.

    The bar tender shakes his head and says "Get the hell out..."

    Reply
  • 4

    Have you wondered if your mother kissed you goodnight after giving your father a blow job?

    --

    You are now. =]

    Reply
  • 4

    Why dosen't Mexico have an olympic team?
    Cause all the Mexicans that can run and jump are in the U.S.

    Reply
  • 4

    hahaha 2 and a half men FTW =D

    Reply
  • 4

    Reply
  • 4

    Wayne Rooney and Coleen were making passionate love in wayne's mini van
    when suddenly Coleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out

    "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"

    Wayne, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did
    not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the
    window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Coleen
    until they both collapse in ecstasy.

    About a week later, Coleen notices that the marks left by the
    whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.

    The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks,

    "Did you get these marks having sex?"

    Coleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Wayne, let alone
    that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her, eventually admits that yes
    she did.

    Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so,
    because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of
    van aerial disease that I've ever seen".

    • Math
    • October 9, 2009, 4:17 am
    Reply
  • 4

    A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

    Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

    At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,……….

    Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”

    “I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight,…… let’s pretend that we’re married.”

    “Wow!…………………. That’s a great idea!”, he exclaimed.

    “Good”, she replied. …………… “Get your own f***ing blanket.”

    After a moment of silence, …………………… he farted.

    • Math
    • January 9, 2010, 1:39 pm
    Reply
  • 4

    A Native American boy goes to his father and says, "Dad, why do you name children after animals?"
    His father says, "Well, the father names his children after the first animal he sees after leaving the birth tent. It's a tradition of ours, you see. For example, When your Brother was born, I saw an eagle in the sky, so I named him Soaring Eagle. And when your sister was born, I saw a deer running off, so I named her Running Deer."
    The boy nods. His father now asks, "Why do you ask, Shitting Dog?"

    • Bekenel
    • February 20, 2010, 3:48 am
    Reply
  • 3

    how many emo's does it take to put in a ligth bulb none we just wallow in the darkness

    Reply
  • 3

    How do you get a black man out of a tree?
    Cut the rope!

    What do you call a black man flying a plane?
    A Pilot you Racist F*ck!

    What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
    One screams in the oven!

    How do you stop a group of black men from raping a white girl?
    Throw a basketball!

    Where do you hide a black man's food stamps?
    Under his work boots!

    P.S. I am not a racist.

    Reply
  • 3

    Its because the Milkmans his real dad

    Reply
  • 3

    douchebag: Kanye West

    Reply
  • 3

    One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled "Viens Chez Moi."

    The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come to Me."

    So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."

    • Jozzoh
    • November 21, 2009, 4:34 pm
    lolz
    - SkinnyBill August 24, 2010, 12:31 am
    Reply
  • 3

    I refuse to be racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.

    Reply
  • 3

    what do you call two blacks guys in a yellow sleeping bag? Twix lol

    • gryxng
    • July 18, 2010, 7:05 pm
    Reply
  • 2

    How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Just one, but it takes three paramedics to remove it!

    Reply
  • 2

    oh wow

    Reply
  • 2

    I didnt find them funny :o

    Reply
  • 2

    Our fuse box blew yesterday so my missus waited in for the guy to come and fix it.
    “It’s all working now” she said, when she phoned me. “Ian did great job”.
    “Ian?” I said “His name’s Jim”.
    “Well that’s funny,” she replied, “it said ELECTRIC IAN on his van”.

    • Math
    • October 8, 2009, 2:23 pm
    Reply
  • 2

    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

    Reply
  • 2

    Nacho cheese

    Reply
  • 2

    A German guy approaches a lady of the night. 'I vish to buy sex wit you.'
    'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'
    '..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
    'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'
    So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
    'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.'
    The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees.
    'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'
    She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
    'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'
    She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
    The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say,
    'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'
    'Ah,' says the German . 'dat is de Four-sprung Duck technique'

    • Math
    • October 24, 2009, 4:47 am
    Reply
  • 2

    It is the old British Imperial standards! lbs & oz, gallons, miles, feet & inches we still use them from time to time when talking to the older generations. In fact we still drink pints and drive over miles (albeit not at the same time)!

    • Math
    • October 29, 2009, 11:33 am
    Reply
  • 2

    Statistically... 9/11 Americans won't get this joke.

    • Math
    • October 29, 2009, 11:34 am
    Reply
  • 2

    haha that is really funny!

    Reply
  • 2

    people who take jokes affensive are ignorant, jokes are made to make people laugh not make people mad

    Reply
  • 2

    How about a dirty limerick?
    There once was a man from Mantucket
    With a dick so long he could suck it
    He said with a grin as he wiped cum from his chin
    If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it!

    Reply
  • 2

    What do you call a lesbian dinosour?
    A. lickalotapus TE-HE ;)

    Reply
  • 2

    twat u got me there

    • stewiz
    • November 16, 2009, 9:37 am
    Reply
  • 2

    un called for

    • stewiz
    • November 16, 2009, 9:44 am
    Reply
  • 2

    good job im british then and yes i do get it and its a little harsh

    • stewiz
    • November 16, 2009, 10:05 am
    Reply
  • 2

    nice one lolz.

    Why did the mexican push his wife off a cliff?
    Tequila

    How do you kill a circus?
    Go for the juggler

    a woman walked into the bar and asked the barman for a double entendre.
    So the barman gave her one!

    • Tiggy
    • November 26, 2009, 10:10 am
    Reply
  • 2

    im an engineer i never have or will use inches there crap and to inaccurate

    • stewiz
    • December 5, 2009, 4:15 pm
    Reply
  • 2

    gay fish: kanye west

    • stewiz
    • December 5, 2009, 4:25 pm
    Reply
  • 2

    WTF???

    Reply
  • 2

    Nom Nom Nom... www.parrygripp.com

    Reply
  • 2

    Whats the same about a big fat white lady and a brick??

    Eventually they will both get laid by a mexican

    Reply
  • 2

    oooohhhhhh disturbing :)

    Reply
  • 2

    Who else would it have been?

    Reply
  • 2

    Obama

    Reply
  • 2

    I'm pretty sure that Obama knows how to count

    Reply
  • 2

    ok so your uncle jack is fixing shingles on the roof, and he gets stuck
    .so do you help your uncle jack off, or do you watch him finish

    • mofosho
    • August 23, 2010, 11:23 pm
    ewww!
    - SkinnyBill August 24, 2010, 12:30 am
    Reply
  • 1

    Man walks into a bar.
    Ouch!

    Reply
  • 1

    a puppy. duh!!!

    Reply
  • 1

    lolz

    Reply
  • 1

    What's the difference between a dumpster full of babies and a dumpster full of bowling balls?
    One's easier to pick up with a pitchfork.

    Why do black people only have nightmares?
    We killed the only one with a dream.

    What do fences and White people have in common?
    they're both jumped by mexicans.

    How many jews can you fit in a car?
    26....3 in the back, 2 in the front, and 21 in the ashtray.

    A priest, a rabbi, and a whale walk into a bar. the priest asks for a martini b/c he helped lead someone to christ. the rabbi askes for a taquila b/c he just celebrated a brmitzfah. the whale says eeeooooooo.

    George W. Bush

    So i was doing this girl and she says, "that hurts tremendously", i said, "thats a pretty big word for an eight year old..."

    Reply
  • 1

    it was super mans day off and he goes to hulks house and says hey want to hang out he says no im busy. so he goes to spider mans house and asks the same and but he said no im busy so super man goes to the beach and sees wonder women with her legs open and says im gona run over and bang her with my super speed so he does. wonder women says wat was that and invisible man sais i dont know but hurts

    • sky258
    • April 28, 2009, 8:46 am
    Reply
  • 1

    lol COOL joke skinning bill

    • imcool
    • May 6, 2009, 10:21 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    A Black man opens a bottle of Coke and the COKE GENI! Pops out. The Gini says. "You may have two wishes, and only two. So pick wisely" the Black man says "Can you build a Bridge from Aussy to Japan?" the Gini says "I can not do that, it is not in my power." the Black man says "Can you make Black people smarter?" the Gini says "Do you want that Bridge 2 lane or 4 lane" :P.

    Btw im not racist so all the bitches who get offended dont. Its just a joke.

    Reply
  • 1

    come on equality is making fun of each other, white people make fun of white people, and black people make fun of black people and guess what black people make fun of white people and white people make fun of black people and mexicans make fun of omish people. EVERY ONE MAKES FUN OF EVERYONE ELSE. quit living under a rock and go out into the real world.

    • Dezey
    • May 26, 2009, 6:45 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    I'm lovin the first one

    Reply
  • 1

    fred and doo dah went fishing one afternoon. while on the lake, doo dah snagged a big one, causing him to fall overboard and drown. heartbroken and confused on how he was gonna tell doo dahs wife, fred knocked on her door. when she answered he began to sing, "Guess who drowned in the lake today? doo dah, doo dah"

    Reply
  • 1

    never heard that one. nice. =)

    Reply
  • 1

    rofl,i luv the triplets 1.!!! =]

    Why was the cow promoted??


    -he was outsanding in his field!!! (laughs a lot)!

    • G4g3
    • June 16, 2009, 2:22 am
    Reply
  • 1

    What do you call a stag with no eyes?

    No eye-deer

    Reply
  • 1

    A lion was getting married....

    at his wedding was a mouse shouting away...&
    congratulating the lion " all the best my brother.... good luck.....".

    Seeing the mouse shouting away claiming that the lion getting married is his brother... another Lion grabs the mouse in anger & asks

    "Who the hell do you think you are.... how can a lion be your brother.. you are only a mouse...."

    The Mouse replies.... "I was also a Lion before I got married".

    • Math
    • June 17, 2009, 5:08 am
    Reply
  • 1

    hahahah thats funny and so true

    Reply
  • 1

    dude u ruin evryones fun on this site unknown!!1

    • cmlowe
    • July 31, 2009, 2:04 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    there was 2 cows on a hill, one said moo the other said i was gunna say that

    Reply
  • 1

    lolzzz

    Reply
  • 1

    good jokes good jokes but i didnt get the first one?

    Reply
  • 1

    omg lmao lolz

    Reply
  • 1

    ha

    Reply
  • 1

    You saying you're not 'a black' is racist, dummy.

    Reply
  • 1

    gross but funny

    • BAMF
    • August 27, 2009, 11:53 am
    Reply
  • 1

    blonde jokes are funny because there true

    • BAMF
    • August 27, 2009, 11:53 am
    Reply
  • 1

    WHAT DO U CALL 100 WHITE PEOPLE CHASING ONE BLACK GUY? -THE PGA TOUR

    • BIG1
    • September 20, 2009, 8:59 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    Joke: Kanye West

    • xdvx
    • September 20, 2009, 9:01 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    My pregnant girlfriend keeps wrapping a white towel round her head when she wakes up....

    She's suffering with Morning Sikh-ness.

    • Math
    • September 24, 2009, 8:21 am
    Reply
  • 1

    a mexican gets a tattoo of a nigger on his arm...twenty mins. later his arm quits working

    • afh26
    • September 26, 2009, 1:13 am
    Reply
  • 1

    I saw a blind man being attacked by a flock of seagulls the other day

    There were more of them than you could shake a stick at.

    • Math
    • October 2, 2009, 4:01 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    hey its joe

    Reply
  • 1

    The women's friends will wonder where she is, but the man's friends all cover for him.

    Reply
  • 1

    what do you call a black priest...... holy shit (I do not mean to a fend anyone its just a joke OK)

    • Zero
    • October 7, 2009, 5:57 am
    Reply
  • 1

    a blondie went to a store and she ask "how much for the micorwave?" the carh year said "sorry we dont sell it to blondies"
    the next day she wear a hat to cover up her hair so she went aging to the store and "she said how much for the micorwave?" the carh year said "sorry we dont sell it to blondies!"
    the next day she try to change the color of her hair but she miss up and the hair trun color black and yet aging she went to the cash year and ask "how much for that micorwave" and the cash year said "sorry we dont sell it to blondies" and she said "but am not a blodines why wont you sell it to me" and the cash year said"why because its not a micorwave its a TV!!" xD!!!

    • Zero
    • October 7, 2009, 6:07 am
    Reply
  • 1

    Yeah... Us guys gotta stick together.

    Reply
  • 1

    I liked the jew one.

    Reply
  • 1

    Q. What do you call a stag with no eyes, no legs and is on fire?

    A. still no flaming idea

    Reply
  • 1

    what do you call cheese thats not yours?

    Reply
  • 1

    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

    Reply
  • 1

    heard it b4 gross but kinda funny

    Reply
  • 1

    That's so racist, but it's fucking hilarious.

    Reply
  • 1

    AN OLD ONE BUT A GOOD ONE!

    To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

    Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

    2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

    3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

    4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

    5. You should relearn your original national anthem, god Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

    6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America.* Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without the fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

    *QUICK NOTE: Baseball is, in fact, a popular sport in Japan and its surrounding countries. However, as their teams are never invited to partake in the 'World Series', your point still stands.*

    7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

    8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.

    9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

    10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian; though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are actually called crisps. Real chips are thickly cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

    11. As a sign of penance, 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. This quantity is to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

    12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all; it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as lager. The substances formerly known as American beer will henceforth be referred to as 'Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,' with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as 'Weak, Near-Frozen Knat's Urine.' This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

    13. From November 10th, the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it).

    14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

    15. Please tell us who killed JFK; it's been driving us crazy.

    16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

    Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.

    • Math
    • October 14, 2009, 10:46 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    I don't understand the first one...

    Reply
  • 1

    A Somalian arrives in London as a new immigrant to the UK .
    He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says........
    'Thank you Mr. British for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!'
    The passer by says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican!'
    The man goes on and encounters another passer by. 'Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in the UK !'
    The person says, 'I not British, I Polish!'
    The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful Britain !'
    That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Russia , I am not from Britain !'
    He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you a British?'
    She says, 'No, I am from Africa !'
    Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the British?'
    The African lady checks her watch and says ...




    'Probably at work'

    • Math
    • October 19, 2009, 9:58 am
    Reply
  • 1

    word hahh

    Reply
  • 1

    The van was good!!

    Reply
  • 1

    Q:what do you call a toronto maple leaf with a stanley cup ring
    A:a thief

    • wertz3
    • October 22, 2009, 5:10 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    I actually agree that America should pick up on the metric system. How the hell did we even come up with this other system...? I don't know, but inches, feet, pounds, and all the other American measurements are way too damn confusing. What's so hard about having 10 small measurements equal 1 larger measurement. Instead we have 16 small measurements makes 1 larger measurement, and 12 of those make one larger measurement, and 3 of those make one larger measurment..............? I could go on forever. Where did we go wrong?

    Reply
  • 1

    LOL, funniest one ever.

    Reply
  • 1

    Reply
  • 1

    hilarious

    Reply
  • 1

    a woman with no arms and legs was crying and laying on a beach. when a white guy walked by and asked her wat was wrong she said crying "i have no arms and legs and ive never been fucked" the white guy said, "sorry i cant help you" and walked off. A black guy walked by and asked wat was wrong and she said again "i have no arms and legs and ive never been fucked", the black guy looked at her and said also "sorry i cant help you" and walked off. a cholo mexican came up and asked her "Que paso esay, wats da matter" she said "i have no arms and legs and ive never been fucked", so the cholo mexican said "i can help you out eh" and threw her into the water and then said "now your fucked fucker!!!"

    Reply
  • 1

    you definitely have a point... now have another.

    Reply
  • 1

    What do you call a baby that's not a girl
    A boy

    what do you call a family with 2 guys in it
    family GAY

    Reply
  • 1

    a bit of mock the week cant go wrong

    • stewiz
    • November 16, 2009, 9:51 am
    Reply
  • 1

    fuck yes i like it those dam surrender monkeys

    • stewiz
    • November 16, 2009, 9:58 am
    Reply
  • 1

    hey thats my profile picture :)

    • stewiz
    • November 16, 2009, 10:01 am
    Reply
  • 1

    thats good stuff

    Reply
  • 1

    • stewiz
    • November 28, 2009, 12:42 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    its true

    • stewiz
    • December 5, 2009, 4:21 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    i apologize for this in advance...

    what's the difference between a jew and a bar of soap....

    a bar of soap last longer than 1 shower

    • stewiz
    • December 5, 2009, 4:28 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    NICE!

    Reply
  • 1

    that or the 1950s

    Reply
  • 1

    loling at all these

    • peace
    • January 17, 2010, 9:25 am
    Reply
  • 1

    Q:What happens if you fall in outer space
    A:Nothing you just keep going

    • peace
    • February 20, 2010, 1:35 am
    Reply
  • 1

    Super Man, being the upstanding and moral hero that he is, has not been laid in years.

    One night, he says to himself, "I'm going to have sex tonight."

    So he flies above the city and scans the numerous buildings with his super vision to find a suitable mate.

    On a distant rooftop, Super Man sees Wonder Woman standing in the nude, bent over and ready for action. So Super Man speeds to the rooftop, does his business, and flies off in the blink of an eye.

    Wonder Woman asks, "What was that?"

    Then the Invisible Man says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts!"

    Reply
  • 1

    lol

    • 720Z
    • February 27, 2010, 5:09 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    i would loooooooooooove to tell my joke but its one about jews and its real offensive

    • 720Z
    • February 27, 2010, 5:24 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    lol thats amazing

    Reply
  • 1

    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

    • 720Z
    • February 27, 2010, 5:50 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    haha

    Reply
  • 1

    A boy and his dad are at the bar. The boy says to his father... "daddy, i need the toilet", so the father says "go on then, its over there..." and points to the toilets. The boy goes in and does his business. 5 mins later, he comes out and he says... "daddy, guess what? there was this machine in there, and i put some money in, and i won a balloon"!

    Reply
  • 1

    CAUTION: GAYCIST JOKE. just thought I'd warn you.
    Three gay guys walk into a bar, butt theres only one STOOL. One homo says to the other how are we going to do this? He replies, "how 'bout we all sit on each others laps?" The first gay says "no that wont work, Ever one will know we're gay." The third one says How about we flip it over and sit on the legs, we're used to having some ting up there anyway right?"

    Reply
  • 1

    Apparently shoes have soals :P

    • BEASTY
    • April 22, 2010, 6:47 am
    Reply
  • 1

    hahaaaaaa now thats funny :)

    Reply
  • 1

    lol very good :)

    Reply
  • 1

    Very gooooood :)

    Reply
  • 1

    you should totally do it...

    • fluffy
    • May 10, 2010, 6:19 am
    Reply
  • 1

    for the baseball one Canada can have a chance in the world series they have the Toronto Blue Jays.

    Reply
  • 1

    A cowboy is riding across the plains of the Old West, when he is captured by Indians. The tribe puts him on trial for crimes against the Indian Nation, and he is found guilty.

    ``You have been sentenced to death,'' said the Chief, ``but, as is our custom, you have three wishes to make as your last requests.''

    The cowboy thought for a minute and said, ``Well, for my first wish, I'll need my horse.''

    ``Give him his horse,'' said the Chief.

    The cowboy whispered something into the horse's ear, and the horse took off like a shot across the prairie. Twenty minutes later, the horse returned with a beautiful blonde woman on its back. The cowboy looked at this, shrugged his shoulders, and helped the young lady off the horse. He then took her into the woods...

    ``Second wish,'' said the Chief.

    ``I'll need my horse again,'' said the cowboy.

    ``Give him his horse,'' said the Chief.

    Once again, the cowboy whispered into the horse's ear, and once again the horse rode off over the prairie. Thirty minutes later, the horse returned with a beautiful red-head on its back.

    The cowboy looked up and shrugged, helped the young lady off the horse, and went into the woods...

    ``This is your last wish,'' said the Chief, ``make it a good one.''

    ``I'll need my horse again.''

    ``Give him his horse,'' said the Chief.

    The cowboy grabbed each side of the horse's head and put his face right up to the horse's.

    ``Look, it's POSSE, ok, POSSE!!!''

    • Math
    • July 17, 2010, 11:28 pm
    Reply
  • 1

    womens rights demotivational poster 1241489568

    Reply
  • 1

    dammit thats a good one

    Reply
  • 1

    I've got a joke. Womens rights.

    • Wupwup
    • October 2, 2010, 6:55 am
    Reply
  • 0

    really? only A black friend? i have tons!!! they dont mind it very much. they actually laugh and repeat the jokes. so you can shut it, twit.

    Reply
  • 0

    What do you call foodstamps hidden in some corn bread?

    A black man's fortune cookie.

    Reply
  • 0

    nice dragonquest viii joke XP

    Reply
  • 0

    XD

    Reply
  • 0

    what do u call a stag with no LEGS

    Still no idea :D

    Reply
  • 0

    the one about black people with nightmare and the one with the eight year old girl are fuckin hillarious.

    • Zink
    • September 21, 2009, 12:56 pm
    Reply
  • 0

    how long does it take to paint a wall red

    it depends on how hard u throw the babies

    Reply
  • 0

    Reply
  • 0

    1.Chuck Norris is so manly, that he went though puberty. . TWICE
    2. sTARWARZ Jedi : Go WIth the force!
    Jedi trainee: Where is the force?
    Starwarz Jedi: Its That way →→→ (Tunnel) (Sign Says "The FoRcE →)
    3. Chuck Norris is so godly, That he kills people just by looking at them. Thats why he can't go on T.V
    4. 5 people in the navy are taking a bath together when some bubbles come up and then a whole bunch of cum. on man says "ok guys who farted?"
    5. How do you get 20 maroi's into a mini?
    Throw 10cents in.
    How do you get them out?
    By telling them whos paying for the gas!
    6. why is it a shame when a van full of pacific islanders fall of a cliff? a van seats 8.

    Reply
  • 0

    good joke 2 tell OUT LOUD. ok keep track. theres 14 people on the bus to start out with not including the bus driver. 11 peple get on 2 people get off 33 people get on 30 people get off 16 people get off 154 people get on 62 people get off. how many stops did the bus driver make?

    Reply
  • 0

    good joke 2 tell OUT LOUD. ok keep track. theres 14 people on the bus to start out with not including the bus driver. 11 peple get on 2 people get off 33 people get on 30 people get off 16 people get off 154 people get on 62 people get off. how many stops did the bus driver make?

    Reply
  • 0

    How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None. they just sit in the dark and bitch.

    How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None. Feminists don't change anything.

    =] my two favorite jokes, chauvinistic as they are.

    Reply
  • 0

    OMG SO EVIL YET SOMEWHAT FUNNY

    Reply
  • 0

    The only reason u posted this was so u could figure out how to go through the dam maze yourself!!!!

    • jstove
    • November 21, 2009, 4:50 pm
    Reply
  • 0

    umm..." a rich man was driving down the street"...."he asks the driver"???

    Reply
  • -1

    This one's really funny to me:

    Q: What's a fish with no eyes?
    A: FSH!

    GET IT?! (Laughs)

    Reply
  • -1

    Why did the mexican push his wife off the cliff?
    Tequila!
    =q

    • Tiggy
    • May 31, 2009, 9:22 am
    Reply
  • -1

    a guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "can i have the best thing you have?" the bartender says, "the atomic punch?" and the guy says, "yeah."
    after he finishes it he says, "can i have another?" the bartender says, "no dude it'll mess you up." the guy says, "i dont care" so the bartender says "okay.."
    after he finishes that one he says, can i have another?" the bartender says, "no, absolutely not dude it'll mess you up really bad." but eventually the bartender gives in.
    the nexy day the guy comes back and says "dude that messed me up, i was blowing chunks all night." the bartender says, "i told you man" then the guy says, "no you dont get it, chunks is my dog's name"

    Reply
  • -1

    My dutch friend keeps putting his shoes down the toilet. It got CLOGged up!!!!

    Reply
  • -1

    i dont get the y men r better friends one, can someone explain it????

    Reply
  • -1

    womens rights!

    • ew1090
    • June 19, 2009, 4:12 am
    thats hilarious
    - mofosho August 23, 2010, 11:29 pm
    Reply
  • -1

    there are three nuns that sat down to watch t.v
    the 1st nun turns on horse raceing and there off.
    the 2nd nun turn on a children t.v programe in out in out shake it all about
    and the 3rd nun turns on church songs and a baby was born
    put it all together and there off in out in out shake it all about
    and a baby was born.

    • char
    • July 23, 2009, 8:03 am
    Reply
  • -1

    LOLZ...THE ONE GUY ATE THE OTHER GUYS PUKE...(SRRY IF I RUINED IT 4 ANYONE:( )

    Reply
  • -1

    Great jokes
    great post
    +3

    Reply
  • -1

    how do u keep a baby from crawling in circles

    nail it's other hand to the floor

    Reply
  • -2

    Why Do Black People Call White People 'Honkies'?
    Thats The Last Sound They Hear When We Run Them Over.

    What's The Difference Between A Black Man And A Trampoline?
    You Take Your Shoes Off To Jump On The Trampoline.

    Reply
  • -2

    some posts here areracist

    Reply
  • -3

    k ready the best joke is your face hahahahaha!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  • -4

    STOP MAKING JOKES ABOUT BLACKS! I HAVE A FRIEND WHO'S A BLACK! Although, I'm not a black.

    Reply
  • -5

    what do you get when you put a babby and a dog together?

    Reply
  • -8

    Q

    • Jenks
    • June 16, 2009, 2:41 am
    Reply
  • -12

    how do you stop a black person from jumping on the bed
    (put velcrow on the ceiling)
    How do you get him down
    (tell the Mexicans hes a pinayata

    Reply
  • -27

    I hope the president isn't any of the famous ones, or our current one.

    Reply
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