A Few Jokes

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you." Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!" When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool. Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."


Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital,
near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them.

As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition
appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something
to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and
Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then
suddenly died.

The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that
time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that
he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred
died. He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before
he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure
there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read, "Please step to your left -- you're
standing on my oxygen tube!"


It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slammed the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies, I don’t know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear.

You might be interested


Reply Attach
  • 1

    lolz mnore please!!!!!

  • 1

    These are great! Post more.

  • 1

    lmao more plox !

Related Posts