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5 FPS Maneuvers Everybody Hates (But Still Does)

Camping

What It Means: Holing up in a reasonably secure location, waiting for the hapless n00bs to approach, and serving them a nice tasty lead salad.

Why You Hate It: Unless you go all the way around the map, there’s only one way to get at the super death ray, and it’s right past this path; but that guy on the other team simply insists on gunning down anyone trying to use it. Why the hell hasn’t he run out of ammo yet?

Why You Do It Anyway: Because it works, not to put too fine a point on it. Sure, in your heart of hearts you know it’s not really fair, but this is war. If you can kill the other guy without him being able to kill you, then the hell with a sporting chance. Your K/D ratio is much more important than his.

Besides, you’ll be damned if you’re gonna let the other team have the super death ray.

Sniping

What It Means: Really? Okay, for those of you who go out of your way not to know things, sniping is using a long-range weapon against some poor bastard way over there, and dropping him without him ever being the wiser.

Why You Hate It: Half the fun of playing this game is getting to watch the guy who thought he was a badass crumple at your feet. Face-to-face, when you’re the crumpler, you can see the crumplee. When the roles are reversed, at least you know you lost a fair fight to a superior opponent.

Getting sniped changes everything. You don’t even know why you’re dead – there’s no one anywhere near you and no grenades went off. It’s pretty damn hard to defend yourself against an enemy you can’t even see.

Why You Do It Anyway: It’s quick, easy, effective, and involves almost no danger for you. Basically you become the hand of God, smiting the lesser beings who dare to challenge your supremacy from a place of complete safety.

Shot in the Dark

What It Means: Firing wildly and, through sheer luck, killing the guy you were almost aiming at. Also known as the ‘poke-and-hope’, the ‘spray-and-pray’, and ‘GOD DAMMIT HOW DID THAT FLAILING MORON GET A HEADSHOT!?’

Why You Hate It: At its core, every FPS is a game that should require skill and practice to get better at. The Shot in the Dark throws that whole concept out the window, and lets pure chance strike you down. It can take a seasoned veteran and cause him to lose his streak at the hands of some no-talent, button-mashing asshat. Or, even worse, some dopey 7-year-old whose knowledge of the game doesn’t stretch beyond ‘this is the shooting button’.

We play FPS as a temporary respite from the real world; another reminder that the universe hates us is the last thing we need while gaming.

Why You Do It Anyway: In your defense, you don’t really mean to. This behavior is easily the most forgivable, due to it often being honestly accidental. If a guy gets the drop on you, sometimes just throwing a whole clip at him in a panicked frenzy of gun-waving is really all there is left to do.

Teabagging

What It Means: Well if you don’t know, I’m certainly not going to tell you.

Why You Hate It: You just locked digital eyes with your foe. The two of you shoot it out for 10, maybe even 15 seconds. After the epic battle, he honors your bravery and skill…by droppin’ his nuts right in your face.

It’s the FPS equivalent of Achilles dragging Hector around the walls of Troy; you already killed him, dude. It’s not like he’s gonna feel it, and pretty much everyone that’s not you thinks it’s a dick move.

Why You Do It Anyway: Some ancient Fijian cultures used to eat their slain foes. You know why? Because they believed the man they killed belonged entirely to them now.

It’s the same mentality in FPS. You beat him. He was alive, and now he’s dead. Because of you. Since most FPS do not permit you to steal your opponent’s soul to make yourself stronger, tea bagging is as good as it’s gonna get.

Trash Talking

What It Means: Spouting pure, vicious hatred over a headset so that guy on the other side of the console hears, in exquisitely malicious detail, just exactly what it is you’re going to/already did to his mother.

Why You Hate It: At this point, gamers have become so accustomed to the malevolent fury of the other guy that it’s mostly just noise. That guy has to have a unique mix of anger and creativity just to get a sarcastic reply out of you, let alone a stunned pause followed by an impotent “Nuh uh…”

Why You Do It Anyway: Well, that guy just got pwned so hard, there’s a pretty good chance he wasn’t paying attention. You should probably let him know what the hell just happened to his world.





FOR some added fun some Zombie Haiku by famous poets

Zombie Haiku by Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle
into that zombie plagued night.
And take the shotgun.

Zombie Haiku by Sylvia Plath
From head to black shoe,
daddy, I had to eat you
because I’m starving.

Zombie Haiku by Robert Frost
Two lobes in the skull.
I eat the bloodier one –
not much difference.

Zombie Haiku by e.e. cummings
if anyone lived
in this wretched how town (they)
would be soon eaten.

Zombie Haiku by Emily Dickinson
I heard a fly buzz
when I became a zombie.
That was one loud bug.

Zombie Haiku by Walt Whitman
Every skin atom
form’d from this soil, this air,
tastes like chicken meat.

Zombie Haiku by William Shakespeare
To bite through the skull
or beat it against the wall?
That is the question.

Zombie Haiku by Edgar Allen Poe
Beside of the sea
I killed my Annabel Lee
because zombies do that.

Zombie Haiku by Theodore Roethke
I knew a woman,
piled up once I ate her,
lovely in her bones.
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Views: 3843
Posted: 2010-06-19 04:08:55

Responses (23) // Sorted by points

  • Kradon666 - replied 2010-06-19 04:28:13
    +22
    What about a guy who camps with a sniper that wildly shoots because he has no idea how to use it, then teabags you when he finally gets you only to curse you out for how much of a n00b he thinks you are? :D
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    • gw2250 - replied 2010-06-19 04:38:32
      +6
      I can think of no comeback for that comment so instead i give a +1
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      • drakengard85 - replied 2010-06-19 13:49:36
        +5
        what I hate the most is the sniper who keeps going right back to the same spot everytime he respawns. We all know where you are, you aren't clever, die in a fire.
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        • noodle - replied 2010-06-19 13:58:52
          +1
          Or a guy who keeps hiding round the same corner on a capture the flag match
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          • drakengard85 - replied 2010-06-19 14:38:22
            +1
            Exactly, you know he's there so you just lob a grenade over in their direction to clear them out.
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            • castlewarsisawsome - replied 2010-11-05 03:51:05
              +1
              but then they yell at you and call you a screen looker
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              • DarkHunter - replied 2011-06-09 23:58:05
                +1
                Unless good sir, you're playing on xbox live, then they go "OMG HACKER, I DID UR MUM LAST NIGHT, FUCK U NUB. U SUCK DICK, FAGFAGFAGFAGFAGFAGFAGFAGFAGFAGFAGFAGFAG"
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                • Nightfang - replied 2011-08-30 13:57:07
                  +1
                  that happened to me on halo reach once, some little kid playing, i laughed my ass off XD
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    • castlewarsisawsome - replied 2010-11-05 03:48:22
      +2
      thats why i hate MW2 atomatic snipers that bullets dont drop. it's waaaaaaaaaay to fucken easy to die on it. unlike battle feild were theres only one atomatic sniper. and the bullets actualy drop
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      • DarkHunter - replied 2011-06-10 00:00:09
        +1
        Modern Warfare 2 was a stupid game to be honest, people were all saying it's so realistic, you could jump off buildings without dieing, lunge at people 50ft away. Instant kill with a swipe of the knife, and all of this. It was a sorry excuse for a game and a way that people could think they're awesome, mod their controllers, and hack their profiles to fill their own self indulged egos.
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        • Nightfang - replied 2011-08-30 13:58:17
          +1
          which is one of the many reasons i don't play CoD :3
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  • DarkHunter - replied 2011-06-09 23:55:43
    +2
    I don't t-bag or shout at people through the microphone. It's pointless.

    Also added haiku from DarkHunter
    I'm a veg zombie
    I won't eat your family
    I want to eat graaaaaains.
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  • Ertrov - replied 2011-11-24 02:55:12
    +2
    Skyrim does allow you to steal the soul of your dead opponent to make yourself stronger.

    Score
    RPG: 1
    FPS: 0
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    • dogggy - replied 2011-11-24 03:19:02
      +2
      Win! +1
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  • TheUltimaton - replied 2010-06-19 09:54:26
    +1
    lol @ kradon666 and qw2250
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  • hofera - replied 2010-10-04 17:16:15
    +1
    I hate people who say "fag" or "faggot" online - like it does nothing - think of a new word or something jeeze
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    • gw2250 - replied 2010-10-12 09:14:18
      +1
      how about tree humping hippie.
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      • castlewarsisawsome - replied 2010-11-05 03:52:34
        +1
        how bout a furfag... hey it's not fag
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        • drakengard85 - replied 2010-11-05 11:02:53
          +1
          thats a whole new bag of puppies altogether..
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          • castlewarsisawsome - replied 2010-11-07 16:23:00
            +1
            i have no clue what you mean
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            • drakengard85 - replied 2010-11-07 16:45:55
              +1
              puppies? furfags? No? ok then, whatevs...
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              • castlewarsisawsome - replied 2010-11-09 02:28:00
                +1
                oh i get it now damn im slow
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  • XxDaminalsxX - replied 2010-11-05 04:03:10
    +1
    Since i'm a Grammar Nazi, I must correct you on Poe's name. It's Edgar *Allan Poe. Not "Allen".

    I hate when you turn around and see that nobody's there and then you turn back around, and go about your buisness. Then 5 seconds later, you're minding your own buisness, you know nobody's behind you, because you just checked. You hear footsteps, you don't see anything. Before you get a chance to to do anything, BOOM!, someone just came up behind you with a trench gun and blew a hole in your back, the size of a big circle. Yes i'm talking about CoD WaW. I especially hate those juggernaut mp40 classes. Anyone with me on this?
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