26 ways to impress a girl

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say you say "you better be". Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then, when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words @#%$ you, and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then, take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then, drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye". The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball or waterpolo.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say "no she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one to the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say no it's just the rain. Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.

23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know
she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much, but I think it's funny.

26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will,
promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Don't call.

Source: www.techenclave.com

You might be interested


Reply Attach
  • 13

    MOrelike how to be a douchebag to your loved one

    • Poodle
    • March 23, 2010, 11:40 am
  • 10

    i tryed a dew of these before this is the result .... she kicked me in the balls so it was like pissing razerblades

    • BEASTY
    • January 5, 2010, 10:39 pm
    you had it coming :)
    now stop doing those or it will hurt more if you know what i mean ;)
    - Icelandgirly January 7, 2011, 4:03 am
    after a year yea i learned :P
    - BEASTY January 7, 2011, 4:12 am
  • 7

    i'll us this

    • Simmo49
    • January 4, 2010, 11:36 am
  • 7

    How did you come up with this list?

  • 7

    I'm not gonna take credit I stole it from www.techenclave.com :S

  • 7

    6 and 11 were funny, most were kinda pointless though

    • Dannyl
    • January 6, 2010, 12:10 am
  • 7

    You all realize this is sarcasm right? Do the opposite of what it says.

    • mienftw
    • January 6, 2010, 12:34 am
  • 7

    some were funny as hell ,I am sure this list will piss off quite a few of the female Sharenator's here. Good luck.

    i'm not offended :3
    but do NOT do any of this to a girl or i swear your balls will be cut off, that is, don't mess with girls :)
    - Icelandgirly January 7, 2011, 3:55 am
    none taken (atleast for me :) )
    - Icelandgirly January 7, 2011, 4:02 am
    Hey take it in the positive way man....
    Whatever he said do quite opposite to it...
    It might work.....
    - Sant734 May 31, 2011, 9:41 am
  • 7

    Cheers man, I mean no offence to the sharaladies ;)

  • 7

    Trust me - I get you and definitely get this type of sarcastic humor. There are others here that get offended , that is all I was trying to pass along.

  • 7

    That's totally sarcastic

    • peace
    • February 4, 2010, 2:40 pm
  • 7

    Could'nt stop laughing. +3

  • 7

    capture 1 - 26 ways to impress a girl

    CTRL-P !!!!

  • 1

    Read above ^^^
    This was stupid but funny. xD

  • 1

    LOVE this!!! +3
    but if you dare treat a girl like that, you deserve your privates to bet cut a billion times with rusty razor blades :)
    but still, really fun post :D

  • 1


    • alucard
    • January 28, 2011, 4:19 pm
  • 1

    How did you guys find out this is the way to impress us?!

    These were meant to be secret :(

    • SuDoku
    • May 31, 2011, 9:51 am
    The secrets out, women are now powerless >:D
    - Firebird92 May 31, 2011, 1:39 pm
  • 1

    U do know girls don't actually like these they like to be respected and compulated and maybe but her a box of chocolates in the shape of a heart and give he some flowers most likely red roses
    My Skype name is jorde44 if my idea works the msg me on it because the things it says here they will hate u for it
    If u think this will work then u know nothing about girls do you?

  • 1

    Wtf was that ...! Doing 10% of Ur thing are right but about 90% those who follow Ur traits gonna kicked by the girl. its stupidness ,don't follow these methods. Every girl is different just try to understand them, if things don't worked out for u then she was not meant to be urs better find the one who really like you. And live life to express not to impress!
    5ec860da04fa9a2d44a702f3ad5c158f2 - 26 ways to impress a girl

  • -3

    who the heck has written these things...these r damn rubbish and whoever written these is a f***ing asshole!!!!

    ha ha ha, its only a joke dude ;)
    - Firebird92 January 6, 2011, 6:26 am
    are you a girl?
    cuz this is all sarcastic y'know
    i'm a girl and i just laughed XD
    so don't get offended, everyone knows this is a joke...
    - Icelandgirly January 7, 2011, 3:57 am
  • -4

    really...i dont like it.....and im a gal n i wud kick a guy who dares to play any of these on me....uh all this is sooo damn stupid!!rubbish

    • sruthi
    • November 19, 2010, 5:29 am
    I'm a girl and I like this post, it made me lol. You don't get to call anyone stupid. I'm a bad speller but at least I know...
    I* I'm* girl* and* I* would* any* so*
    I'm sure I missed something but, oh well. :D
    - ember January 6, 2011, 9:39 pm
    he chill out!
    i'm a girl and i just laughed hard at this!
    you know this is sarcasm right?
    but, if i guy treats you like that, he's stupid and deserves a big kick in the balls :)
    - Icelandgirly January 7, 2011, 3:59 am
Related Posts